Yard Work - As Viewed From Heaven

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by Ace, Jul 26, 2006.

  1. Ace

    Ace New Member

    Gastonia N
    (overheard in a conversation between God and St. Francis):

    God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started eons ago?
    I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts
    butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All I see are patches of green.

    St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them
    with grass.

    God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want grass growing there?

    St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little, they cut it....sometimes two times a week.

    God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

    St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

    God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

    St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

    God: Now let me get this straight...they fertilize it to make it grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

    St. Francis: Yes, sir.

    God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

    St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

    God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

    St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall, the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

    God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

    St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

    God: And where do they get this mulch?

    St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch.

    God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

    St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie about....

    God: Never mind--I think I just heard the whole story from Saint Francis!

    :big_smile_2: :look_down:

  2. Fry Guy

    Fry Guy New Member

    Warrensburg Missouri
    Too funny. It is pretty crazy when you look at it like that isn't it:roll_eyes:

  3. catseeman

    catseeman New Member

    Indianapolis, Indiana
    The city sent me a letter that they don't like the weeds (tall flowers) that grow along my driveway. I think thy are azelas, They were here when i bought the house and grow every year. They bloom in late autmumn. My grass is also to tall, over 3 inches. I let it grow to keep the dandolinons fom taking over. The inspector does know squat about plants.
  4. Buddrice

    Buddrice New Member

    Funny,but sadly true.Another good one Ace...
  5. TDawgNOk

    TDawgNOk Gathering Monitor (Instigator)

    Tulsa, Oklahoma
    very funny, thanks!!
  6. catfishjohn

    catfishjohn New Member

    Greenup Co. KY
    Another great post Ace!!!
  7. Taliesin

    Taliesin New Member

    I know I am weird, but I don't like the look of grass until it is at least 6" tall.

    If the owner of the house didn't have a deal set up for the lawn to be mowed I would probably be getting notices about it constantly.
  8. fishinpals

    fishinpals New Member

    Virginia, Illinois
    Good post Ace. Probably alot of things are like that. Keep em comin.
  9. Patmansc

    Patmansc Well-Known Member

    Greer, SC
    Pat Chaney
    Man, are we nutz, or what :tounge_out: :eek:oooh: :roll_eyes:
  10. FishMan

    FishMan New Member

    we put carpet on the floor and then walk on it with our shoes
  11. laidbck111

    laidbck111 New Member

    you don't like ice cream if you don't like that.