Worst time of my life - Prayer request

Discussion in 'Prayer Request' started by Katmaster Jr., Jul 18, 2006.

  1. Katmaster Jr.

    Katmaster Jr. New Member

    Messages:
    4,644
    State:
    Wilmington, NC
    You know, I sort of hate to spread my problems all over the board, but I need to vent a little and would love some prayers for my family, if you all could please do that, it makes a difference.

    Here's the deal, my great grandma died last week and the funeral was Friday. Well she lived in WV and I went up Thursday. I was already bummed out about that of course, my great grandma even took care of me for a while when I was little, she was a great person. Ok, well when I was little my grandparents on my dads side of the family and my dad got custody of me, since then I have lived a good life with them, and of course appreciate them so much. My mom has always been a mess from what I know, I got taken away from her because she was Stripping for a living, and not taking care of me. Since then, she has lived in SC, FL, and now in DC. She has hung around with the wrong crowd, that's for sure. Well when I went up for the funeral, I stayed with my mom, and her boyfriend for a few days, not knowing what I was getting myself into. That whole side of the family was fighting over who inherits what, it was plain awful just with that being said....But the real problem is, my Mom is hooked on all kinds of horrible drugs, Cocaine, Pcp, etc. I mean she is terrible, and is killing herself. I was basically forced to ride with her everywhere and she went to a lot of very rough areas and got drugs right in front of me, stole my only $40 and bought drugs with it, right in front of me, even did them in front of me, and then I didn't even do anything to her and she would fuss at me, I'm the only one that really cares about her anymore and she bashes me. Oh well, it's the drugs doing it, I don't fuss back at her, it wouldn't help. I guess there's really nothing I can do, but hope and pray that she changes or something very soon, because if she doesn't, I don't think she will have too much longer to live, and she's still in her 30's!

    What gets me though, is even though she is on drugs, I would think she respects me enough not to get me so involved and sit there and do drugs all night in the car while I'm sitting in the back seat just thinking to myself how bad of a situation I'm in. The stress is almost unbarable, I felt like life was just the worst thing ever, could barely get a grip on myself. Seeing your own parent doing that, and having other druggies in the car beside you doing it will really have an effect on you. You can't understand it until you've been thru it. You feel like you're the only person that's not insane. I didn't talk to one person while I was there that wasn't on drugs, litterally. It's sad, but it's true. I had to sleep on the couch every night, no complaints....well except for the fact that I had one of my moms friends who was a low-life cocaine user laying on the floor, sleeping right beside me. Well one night laying on that couch, I just prayed to god that things would get better, and I almost got my bags and fishing poles and ran away with my cell phone, I could have called my dad to pick me up, but now I think I did the right thing to just bare thru it all.

    I had a constant fear of being caught in the car with her by the police when she was doing drugs or had them with her, I would get arrested too I guess, even though I didn't have any, and hate the crap. Luckily that didn't happen though.

    Honestly my great grandma on that side of the family was the only good person, all the rest are low-lifes, sad but true. I had many talks with her, and she always gave me good advice, I really miss her too. The only thing everyone else cares about is what they can get now that she's gone, never in my life have I seen such people. She bought half of that family trailers to live in, and put some of them thru college, and all they can do is trying to get everything they can from her, not even clean her house when she was in her final days and couldn't herself.

    I'm sure everyone here knows this already, but drugs are just a horrible, horrible thing to do. PLEASE don't use them, they mess a persons whole life up, and mess up the people's life who care about them. They are not worth the effects they have on you, you might be doing them one day and think you're safe, and having a good time, laughing and all.....those days won't last long, soon you'll be going into debt because you're so hooked on drugs, and you'll be near death too.

    How am I supposed to be able to go to sleep now? All I can do is worry about my mom, she might be screwed up, but I still care about her. I have to, it's the drugs messing her up, what can I do???

    Let me say though, one thing that helped me a lot was when I got to fish for a few hours by myself, at least my mom dropped me off, probably wanted me out of her hair anyway though. All I caught was a baby Striper, but that didn't matter to me, I just needed some calm down time, and it was the only time I got to relax the whole time, a few hours of no stress. Fishing is the best thing ever, it really is.

    Anyway, I'm sorry for ranting like this, I hope this thread is suitable, I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest a little, and I consider everyone here a family member. And I hope that anyone that reads this that had thoughts about doing drugs, thinks again.

    I thought about you all while I was there, wishing I was here instead....my REAL home. I really like all of you, and hope nobody has any problems with me, lifes too short for that kind of stuff, if I have done something that a member didn't like, just let me know and I will do my best to fix it, I don't want any enemies.

    Please pray for my family, esspecially my Mom, prayers do a lot.

    Thank you all,

    Zakk
     
  2. jerseycat9

    jerseycat9 New Member

    Messages:
    2,544
    State:
    Oakwood Georgia
    You dont even need to explain you got it Zakk
     

  3. live22skate

    live22skate New Member

    Messages:
    80
    State:
    Arizona
    youre mom is in my prayers zakk, i hope she pulls through these hard times, and gets clean. my mom used to do drugs too, it got so bad that it was interfearing with my life so the only choice i had was to call the police and get her help. well it workd and shes been clean for almost two years now after getting out of rehab.
     
  4. bigmike

    bigmike New Member

    Messages:
    288
    State:
    Kankakee,Illinois
    First I would like to say sorry to hear about your grandma. Prayers are sent your way for you and your family. I've been through some of the same obstacles in life. Hang in there. I will not say they get easier but you will learn to cope with them better and hopefully through all the prayers that will be sent out for you your family will be touched by God. Don't give up he is always listening.
     
  5. Swampy

    Swampy New Member

    Messages:
    818
    State:
    Fl.
    You got it!! Jr.
     
  6. Jammer

    Jammer New Member

    Messages:
    584
    State:
    Tennessee
    A rough time, for sure. You were the only sane person there at that time. Many prayers sent from Ohio. Call me or any other BOC Brother. We would come and get you out. Keep your head up and don't loose hope. God can change anything or anyone.
     
  7. Fatkat

    Fatkat New Member

    Messages:
    979
    State:
    Blanchester, Ohio
    Zakk, until your Mom gets her life straitened out I think it would be best for you to stay with your Dad. All you can do for your Mom is say a prayer for her when ever you think of her and hope she will get sober and realize what she is doing to you. I hope one day she will realize what and who is important in her life and yours. :sad2: :sad2: :sad2:
     
  8. Kyle

    Kyle New Member

    Messages:
    347
    State:
    Kansas City - Olathe
    Sorry to hear bout all that Katmaster, I'll keep you and your family in my prayers for sure. Feel free to PM me if ya ever need to talk about anything
     
  9. Katmaster Jr.

    Katmaster Jr. New Member

    Messages:
    4,644
    State:
    Wilmington, NC
    Thank you all for the support and prayers in this big mess, I'm just thankful to have my dad and grandparents raising me, I hate to think about life without them, scares me to death just thinking about if I had to live with my mom.

    Zakk
     
  10. hear_kitty

    hear_kitty New Member

    Messages:
    545
    State:
    Vassar Mi
    Prayers For You And Your Mom!
     
  11. Baitkiller

    Baitkiller New Member

    Messages:
    1,029
    State:
    Akron, Ohio
    Your family is in my prayers.

    Steve
     
  12. Mark J

    Mark J New Member

    Messages:
    9,407
    State:
    Four Oaks, NC
    Zakk, some things are out of your control and you have to accept that along with the fact that its not your responsibilty or fault.
    For the addict there is nothing you can do to help them other then pray.
    An addict has to make the move for change and usually but not always that person has to hit rock bottom before they realize it and make a change for the better.

    The following is the serenity prayer that alot of recovering addicts use in their walk to sobriety but also is used by family members affected by a love ones addiction.


    God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.

    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    Taking, as He did, this sinful world
    as it is, not as I would have it;
    Trusting that He will make all things right
    if I surrender to His Will;
    That I may be reasonably happy in this life
    and supremely happy with Him
    Forever in the next.
    Amen.
     
  13. jerseycat9

    jerseycat9 New Member

    Messages:
    2,544
    State:
    Oakwood Georgia
    hey zakk try to take a breather man. If ya can go and get something to eat sit down watch a movie or acomedy till your dad gets home if your still down shoot me a PM or hit the chat room ill be around dude
     
  14. Eithne

    Eithne New Member

    Messages:
    408
    State:
    OK
    When family members are the ones that hurt you the most it makes things much more difficult. As you've probably already read, none of this is your fault or your responsibility. On some level, your mom may not even want to act like that and treat her family like she does. Unfortunately that's a tough pattern to break.

    You've got the right idea, look to your dad, grandparents and sister for comfort and hope. Keep praying for your mom and we will too. Find an outlet for your feelings...fishing, talking, writing letters to her that you may never send, whatever works for you. It all helps you keep your peace of mind and deal with your side of it while she deals with hers.

    Zakk, you know I'm pulling for you. You got dealt a tough hand and lucky for everyone else, you're dealing with it responsibly and intelligently. As I've said before, I'm here to talk or listen or help anyway I can if you need it. Take care of yourself and remember that you are doing your part, the rest is up to her.
     
  15. jdstraka

    jdstraka Well-Known Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    4,722
    State:
    Council Bluffs, Iowa
    Name:
    John
    God bless you Zakk I can tell you really care about your mom Son but its not your Falt. I happen to have Four sons and one of them has been battling drugs for quite some time now I have tried manny times to help him I even had him Commited to Treatment Two times (Court ordered) he hasent talked to me for several years now And I love him so but I had to Cut him Loose . I pray every day for him and that he will get better. The hurt in my heart is perty bad at times but its out of my control and Gods handling it for me cause I cant. So our sisuation is somewhat alike Brother Not good in some respects but not bad in others so we are perty lucky all in all Besides we have our family here in the Brotherhood Right! Your Friend and Brother J.D.Straka A.K.A Bigcatman0816.
     
  16. BIG GEORGE

    BIG GEORGE New Member

    Messages:
    10,362
    State:
    JOISY
    Sorry for your loss Zakk. You keep your head up. You've turned out pretty darn good and I'm glad to know ya.
     
  17. bud1110

    bud1110 New Member

    Messages:
    1,096
    State:
    East Texas
    Zakk,

    Little brother a terrible load has been dropped in your lap my friend. First let me say how sorry to hear of your Great Grandmothers passing. Now about your Mom.

    When a person is on drugs they don't think clearly at all. I'm sure she loves you but those drugs have total control of her. My word, that just scared me to death, just listening to you tell of what you went through, when you stayed with her for that week.

    Prayers is all any of us can do to help. GOD is the only one that can change her situation. Little brother you have my prayers, and I want you to know that I'm pulling for you and your Mother. If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know my friend.
     
  18. BIGCAT GarryEads

    BIGCAT GarryEads Head Cheese of the USCA!

    Messages:
    334
    State:
    Francisco Ind
    Sorry for your loss zakk

    BIGCAT GarryEads
     
  19. Bubbakat

    Bubbakat New Member

    Messages:
    4,532
    State:
    McMinnvill
    Zak Hang in there. You have amazed me with you strength and your collective reasoning of thought. Mark J has hit it right on the head. Do me a favor little buddy. When you find yourself in that position, In a car with drugs deals going on, in a house with drugs in use, Run don't walk away from that situation. It can lead to disaster for you. I for one would not want that to happen. Prayers are sent your way.
     
  20. ryang

    ryang Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,338
    State:
    Blacklick, Ohio
    Name:
    Gary
    Zakk I cant even fathom what kind of stress that puts on you. At 15 you shouldnt be burdend with that kind of stress. Ill pray for your Mom but Ill pray for you as you need to take care of you. I hope only the best for all the members on this board but when there is a generation growing up like this and not taking it lieing down then I can only have the utmost respect for you. God Bless you and your family during the time of grief over losing your Great Grandma.