Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by Phil Washburn, May 7, 2008.

  1. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Messages:
    7,680
    State:
    Shawnee OK
    BARACK OBAMA:
    The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The
    chicken wanted CHANGE!

    JOHN MC CAIN:
    My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need
    to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other
    side of the road.

    HILLARY CLINTON:
    When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross
    the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right
    from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it
    deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......



    DR. PHIL:
    The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must
    first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes
    after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is
    help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'
    problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

    OPRAH:
    Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
    wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn
    from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to
    give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and
    not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

    GEORGE W. BUSH:
    We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to
    know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is
    either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

    COLIN POWELL:
    Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image
    of the chicken crossing the road...

    ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
    We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been
    allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

    JOHN KERRY:
    Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it!
    It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's
    intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

    NANCY GRACE:
    That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his
    eyes and the way he walks.

    PAT BUCHANAN:
    To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

    MARTHA STEWART:
    No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a
    standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price
    dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider
    information.

    DR SEUSS:
    Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the
    chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

    ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
    To die in the rain. Alone.

    GRANDPA:
    In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told
    us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

    BARBARA WALTERS:
    Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the
    chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it
    experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its
    life long dream of crossing the road.

    ARISTOTLE:
    It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

    JOHN LENNON:
    Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

    BILL GATES:
    I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but
    will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check
    book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new
    platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% .........
    reboot.

    ALBERT EINSTEIN:
    Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the
    chicken?

    BILL CLINTON:
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of
    chicken?

    AL GORE:
    I invented the chicken!

    COLONEL SANDERS:
    Did I miss one?

    DICK CHENEY:
    Where's my gun?

    AL SHARPTON:
    Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

    .
     
  2. postbeetle

    postbeetle New Member

    Messages:
    6,598
    State:
    Iowa
    The chicken crossed the road to get away from all those fools who you quoted.

    Just give him a gun and let it take care of the situation on his current side of the road. Why walk.
     

  3. Kutter

    Kutter New Member

    Messages:
    5,379
    State:
    Arnold, MO
    Well, if nothing else, he was able to prove to the possums, turtles & armadillos, that it could be done!
     
  4. ozzy

    ozzy New Member

    Messages:
    3,936
    State:
    Lost Wages
    Was it the chicken or the egg that crossed it first? :confused2:
     
  5. catfishjohn

    catfishjohn New Member

    Messages:
    10,217
    State:
    Greenup Co. KY
    Thank You Phil! That was a much overdue needed laugh! I needed a smile or a laugh badly!!!
    Reps sent your way...:wink:
     
  6. seacatfish

    seacatfish New Member

    Messages:
    319
    State:
    Florida
    Thanks for the smiles, Phil. That was pretty good!:smile2:
     
  7. zeboman

    zeboman New Member

    Messages:
    2,883
    State:
    Pennsylvan
    Thanks for the laugh Phil , and you say I ain`t right.LMAO!!!
     
  8. Wil

    Wil New Member

    Messages:
    1,746
    State:
    Minden Nebraska
    the Colonel Sanders one cracks me up hahaha
     
  9. Catgirl

    Catgirl New Member

    Messages:
    13,546
    Hear hear! Some of the best funnies I've read in quite a while! :cool2:
     
  10. Naack

    Naack New Member

    Messages:
    442
    State:
    Irwin PA
    That was good Phil thanks.
     
  11. Dano

    Dano New Member

    Messages:
    13,712
    State:
    Texas
    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    :smile2: good one Phil but .....
    All my years of driving back roads, picking up road kill for stew and camp meat . Yum, Yum . Not once have I ever came across a dead chicken in the road. I have seen cows, horse's, deer, dogs, cats, skunks, snakes, opossum, armadillos , you name it, I have scooped it up but never ever have I found a chicken road kill . That tells me, the chicken didn't cross the road. :wink:
    Just cause they have small brains and eat their own scat, Those birds are way smarter than we give them credit for. they know to never cross the road and run from the guy with a machete in his hand. :tounge_out::smile2:
     
  12. john catfish young

    john catfish young New Member

    Messages:
    3,070
    State:
    Kentucky
    The chicken crossed the road looking for some more rep points:crazy::smile2:
     
  13. MRR

    MRR New Member

    Messages:
    4,947
    State:
    Louisiana,Mo.
    Some one needs to go fishin.They have too much time on thier hands:roll_eyes: Or did you think all that up while waiting for the fish to bite. Either way that was good.
     
  14. baitchunker

    baitchunker New Member

    Messages:
    1,689
    State:
    alabama
    what makes that chicken think he's better than me? just cause im a turkey dont mean i shouldnt get to cross the road too. the nerve....
     
  15. jtrew

    jtrew New Member

    Messages:
    4,404
    State:
    Little Rock, AR
    Who knows why a chicken does anything? After all, it's a birdbrain, right?

    And what constitutes a road? I mean, there are thousands of yuppie SUV owners who think that if a road isn't paved, it really isn't a road, and you need 4-wheel drive to travel it. On the other hand, I've had to drive over 4" thick pine trees while driving down a road after getting a Christmas tree. It depends on your point of view.

    Most importantly, did the chicken cross from our side of the road to 'their' side, or from 'their' side to our side? If it crossed from our side, we need to make plans to get it back, by force if necessary. If it crossed to our side, we need to kill it, eat it for supper, and bury any remains so 'they' can't prove we had the chicken.

    Most importantly, always keep in mind, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you!"
     
  16. catgetter1

    catgetter1 New Member

    Messages:
    1,162
    State:
    louisiana
    Thankx fer brightening up my day Phil, sittin at home with the flu is a drag Thankx again...........:cool2:
     
  17. flathead willie

    flathead willie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,241
    State:
    Virginia
    What I want to know is, who let the chickens out in the first place? Those chickens ain't cheap you know!
     
  18. Wabash River Bear

    Wabash River Bear New Member

    Messages:
    3,019
    State:
    Indiana
    :smile2: Thanks for the chuckle Phil!
    But on a more serious note,,,,much to my dismay, I have to agree with Dr. Phils analogy on the chicken situation (that guy just gets on my nerves).
     
  19. JimmyJonny

    JimmyJonny Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,059
    State:
    sc
    Oh great and for some reason I've even been hit by a car , Hmm...what does all this mean, LOL.


    -Jim-

    Ps...and the egg was first
     
  20. cathooked

    cathooked New Member

    Messages:
    437
    State:
    north carolina
    Pretty good Phil,still laughin..