Where to Retire too?

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by Salmonid, Mar 16, 2006.

  1. Salmonid

    Salmonid New Member

    SW Ohio
    I got forwarded this and found it quite true and humorus at the same time!
    Enjoy, Salmonid
    When we hit retirement age we come face to face with the fact that it may be time to relocate. The big question is: where to? Here are some tips.

    You can live in Phoenix, Arizona where.....

    1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
    2. You can open and drive your car without touching the car door or the steering wheel.
    3. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
    4. You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face.
    5. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
    6. "Dress Code" is meaningless at high schools and universities. Picture lingerie ads.
    7. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
    8. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
    9. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
    10. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

    You can Live in California where...

    1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
    2 The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
    3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
    4. You know how to eat an artichoke.
    5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
    6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

    You can Live in New York City where...

    1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
    2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
    3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
    4 You think Central Park is "nature".
    5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
    6. You've worn out a car horn.
    7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

    You can Live in Maine where...

    1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
    2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
    3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
    4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
    5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

    You can Live in the Deep South where...

    1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
    2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
    3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from ' round here, are Ya?"
    4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
    5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

    You can live in Colorado where...

    1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
    2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
    3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
    4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

    You can live in the Midwest where...

    1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
    2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
    3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
    4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
    5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

    AND You can live in Florida where...

    1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
    2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
    3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
    4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
    5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.
  2. pendog66

    pendog66 New Member

    Brookville OH
    since you love to fish how about, "A Van down by the River!!!!" :p lol

  3. Gator

    Gator New Member

    Ludowici GA
    Born and raised and will retire in the south....LOL
  4. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    I have to agree, Gator, only I have to add HOPE to retire in the south. Maybe South America. :rolleyes:
  5. Cyclops01

    Cyclops01 New Member

    Eden, NC.
    Georgetown, Grand Cayman would be sweet!!!
  6. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Shawnee OK
    i am hoping to retire to heaven
  7. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    WILD PHIL? Well we will hope for you, and ourselves as well. You nut, you know what we are talking about. LOL
  8. olefin

    olefin New Member

    Born, raised, lived and retired in the South. Uncle Sam got me out of the South for a few years. :)
  9. jtrew

    jtrew New Member

    Little Rock, AR
    Remember, Dear Hearts, the only reason people live in the North is 'cause they got JOBS up there!
  10. Salmonid

    Salmonid New Member

    SW Ohio
    Jobs????? Apparantly you havent been to Michigan or Ohio lately....:sad:

    Ive been looking all over the country ( I am employed thankfully, just making the same I was 18 years ago salary wise) and there are jobs everywhere else, just not around here, sad sad economy we have these days, I cant afford to move anywhere else and no one will hire an out of stater.

  11. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    North China maybe or Vietnam, or India or Pakistan. Sad sad sad.

    Or Wally world.

    Maybe Canada at the oil sands if you have the knowledge or man power.
  12. kbgrillin

    kbgrillin New Member

    Now dang-it, all of us from tha south don't talk like that. We're pert-ner the same as all tha rest of yuns. But the south would be my choice for ever body. Ya'll come back now, ya here!!!
  13. greg

    greg USCA - STAFF Staff Member Supporting Member

    GA/ Ia
    I am going to buy a 70,000 motorhome and drive until I die. See every state I can before.