After pulling 24 hrs of Duty I walked outside the Hospital this morning to see a Wonderfully Blue Sky without a cloud in it. My heart started to race as I wanted to be in the Mist of the Blue. Was I really this stoked or was it the coffee finally getting through to me or was it just elation that the Duty was over...... I decided to go home and sleep for a few hours and then try and find a way to get the Wife to let me head to the DZ. About 2:00 pm she called me on the phone and said arnt you going to jump today. That was the break that I needed and soon found myself heading east to the DZ. I have waited all week to be able to get back into the sky and suddenly fear gripped me big time I told myself that there was no turning back and I would jump once again. Traffic was horrendous as a Big Rig had flipped on I-44 on the way to the DZ delaying me about 45 Min's. When I got there I was just able to get on the last load and next thing I knew we where wheels up on our journey to the cloudless sky. Now my last jump wasn't that great but I somehow had been passed to the next level. The Level where I would defiantly be let go in the air and get to fly on my own. 13500 ft. the door is open and the experience jumpers where away. I was asked the same question from the Jump master that he ask me on every jump "Are you ready to Skydive?" Of course my answerer was yes. He said Take your position in the Door as the other Jump master climb out side the door and got in position to grab my harness. I made the inside check with a loud and thunderous CHECK INSIDE and this time he told me to squat more which I did and checked inside again for a thumbs up. Lean out lean in The step out into the breeze. I made a conscious decision that I would be relaxed on this dive and left the door as limp as a rag. Soon the JM gave me the arch harder sign and I did. Checked my Alt. 12000 ft. Dummy check, check my reference point at 45% check Alt. 11000 and then touched my feet together to signal that I was ready to fly. Man when they let go I went into a flat spin seemed to me like I was spinning and spinning, Instinctively I grabbed for the air in the direction that I was spinning and became stable at 7500 ft the JM's docked with me again and I road the Alt. down to about 6300 ft waved off and they let go again only as I went to deploy I couldn't find it. I just keep feeling around turned little to the right arched hard and keep feeling for it finally I got it around 5000ft, Deployed to a light blue canopy. It was awesome getting let go and having the control and being able to stop the spin my confidence is way up and I cant wait to do it again.