Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."-- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."-- Eleanor Roosevelt Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.-- Mark Twain The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.-- George Burns Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.- - Victor BorgeBe careful aboutreading health books.You may die of a misprint.-- Mark Twain By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.-- Socrates I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.-- Groucho Marx I don't feelold. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.-- Bob Hope I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.-- W.C. Fields We could certainly slow the aging process down if it hadto work its way through Congress.-- Will RogersDon't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you.-- Winston ChurchillMaybe it's true that life begins at fifty , but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.-- Phyllis Diller By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.-- Billy Crystal The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.