the heart aches worse when its yours

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by FS Driver, May 4, 2008.

  1. FS Driver

    FS Driver New Member

    youve heard the saying its always easy when the shoe is on the other foot
    or youd have to walk a mile in his shoes etc.
    ive really never understood the agony of a divorce or seperation , because ive never lived through one until this week .
    we are not officially divorced but we are on the path to lead to that destination . after 20 years i guess i got too complacent and took things for granted . ive went to work the last 3 or 4 days an emotional wreck .
    ive never cried so much in my life as i have these past few days .
    i feel like a sissy but i cant control it .
    i have had the feeling that i am losing everyone in my life from her , our kids ,and her family . her family is close knit and i love them all .
    in a way i am going to lose a little of my youngest son through the splitting of time with each of us seperated . that is still a very sore spot in our discussions .
    i try to be very soft spoken and accomodating in our talks so as to not stir rage and hatred up to the point of causeing more unneccessary pain and possibly jeaprodizing my well being . if she wanted to she could put me in the poor house if i didnt get in the nut house first .
    im sorry to bore or disgust any by airing my personal problems on here .
    there have been several that have extended their care through lending a
    virtual ear so to speak .
    i want to thank each of you from the bottom of my heart ,
    (which is in my shoe right now )
    i have a limited number of friends and i feel funny talking to her side of the family at this point as it might be percieved as trying to start a riff .
    i did call my favorite brother in law and after we talked he said hes there for her my kids and me , and he will keep me strong .
    after we talked i felt a great sense of relief .
    its hard for me to talk to my sons at this time .
    the oldest ... i feel ashamed of myself for not being a better husband to his mother hes old enough to realize the situation better than the youngest .
    the youngest i can tell hes sad but hes been sad when hyes been around us
    arguing and not getting along .
    so in the long run this may be better that he wont be around 2 parents in an unhealthy relationship .
    although i cant stand to think of being away from him even a day.
    this ordeal to me is like living a life attending the funeral of a loved one everyday .
    i dont wish divorce , seperation , or infidelity on anyone .
    i should sleep better tonite as im on the night after the sleepless nite so i will be making up for that . tomorrow nite ill lay there rehashing and reliving the words and thoughts that followed them .the first couple of days made me feel
    so bad that suicide was not out of the question a few times .
    i had to convince myself that my children deserved better than that .
    i would have been a selfish coward and the thought of them living with that
    was enough to come down to reality .
    if your in a relationship with strains or serious differances please seek counciling before you end up like me .
    im not out of the woods by no means but i will gladly lend an ear and
    offer support for any of you that may need to just talk .
    the point of my post is getting this out of my system before it crushes me any more . im tired of tears . i am doing this as a release of emotional pressure .
    i feel it workin already i only cried a couple times typing this:embarassed:
    if i cry anymore i may need to be recruited into BG's BOCPMOTM centerfold flock
    and pose in a diaper .
    seriously thanks for your support and
    god bless you all .
  2. Jerry60k

    Jerry60k Member

    Chelyan, West V
    Only thing I can say is stay strong man.Pray for the strength or whatever it takes to get you thru.

  3. puddle jumper

    puddle jumper Well-Known Member

    My thoughts and prayers are with you,, I lost my Dad about a couple of months ago and I said the same thing at his funeral you are saying now, you hear about it but when its YOU it takes on a hole new meaning.. I don't know what you are going through, haven't been there, but I kept telling myself that God wont put more than I can handle on my plate , Hang tough brother..
    Prayer sent..

    JERMSQUIRM New Member

    thats why we call this a brotherhood buddie. were all hear for ya.:wink:
  5. Mike81

    Mike81 Well-Known Member

    I been there, I know the feelings that are eating at you... stay strong my friend... you have my me anytime....
  6. big-muddy

    big-muddy New Member

    norfolk, va
    Time, brother, time.. thats what it takes. Dont let the stress get the better of you. its good that you posted this message, thats what i did a lot of sleepless nights. it gets the emotion out of the bottle. a couple of the things you said are gonna make people worry about you. Do you have any good friends that like to go out and have drinks and help you think positively? thats what helped me alot. Try to remember what made you happy before all of this stuff happened, and get back to that. you may find yourself again. dont forget to give me a call and when i get enough money together to put some gas in my car, i would be happy to come hang out with you.
  7. big-muddy

    big-muddy New Member

    norfolk, va
    i meant to send that as a pmail but hit the reply button, but screw it, ill leave it.
  8. plainsman

    plainsman New Member Supporting Member

    Women get that way. The unfortunate thing is that no one, even guys who been thru it can give ya any decent advice. Each situation is different. My wife went thru that time in her life and made my life a hell. There is nothing anyone can do about it. I recommended her to see a doctor but she didn't believe him and wouldn't take his advice. Then she wanted a divorce too. I tried to resist, talk her out of it but she thought it would be what she wanted. Finally my oldest said something that changed her mind. She had been getting advice from people who didn't have any facts and gave her bad advice. At one time I almost hoped she would just to prove to her I wasn't her enemy. She didn't make sense and wouldn't listen to logic. She had two personalities, depending on who was around her. All her friends thought she was ok and I was messed up. It has affected my business.

    I don't know what to tell ya other than join the crowd of guys who did their best and failed at the impossible anyway. They get that way and don't know why. In their mind its all our fault.
  9. Mac-b

    Mac-b Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    North Caro
    Brother Darryl, I and most likely a bunch of your brothers and sisters have been there and done that. In other words, we were in your shoes and we walked the lonesome mile or more. Why these things happen and for what purpose, is difficult to understand, but as the bumper sticker say, $hit happens to the best of us. You need to take care of yourself and the children if you are allowed too.

    It had to be difficult for you to lay your life out before your brothers and sisters, but some say this is a good thing. To keep it in is like a cancer, in the end it will eat you up. From this point on, you will need to be like the carpenter, measure twice and cut once. Your cyber friend, Mac
  10. RamRod

    RamRod New Member

    You know I'll be thinking about you. I'm here whenever you're ready to talk, I know you'd do the same.:wink:
  11. catman4926

    catman4926 New Member


    i been down that lonesome mile before, i saw something in you post that is heart brakeing, just remember before you do something dumb think about your kids and how they much they need you,and remember you will aways be there dad. it will just take time, and as time goes by it will get better. my divorice came after 25 years and i felt like she stole the best part of my life,but every time i though about it ,i though about my two grils,, and now we are so close it's unreal and there mother can't stand it oh well! anyway i keep you in my prayers and pray for your conforting and peace within your self,God bless you and may your day be peaceful.
  12. r ward

    r ward New Member

    Kathleen G
    Darryl can't add much but first I am on my third and believe me I know where you're coming from time will help and the Lord will ease your pain just be there for your kids and help them understand it is not of their doing we are here for you
  13. JimmyJonny

    JimmyJonny Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry to hear you feeling so down. In time things work out, hang in their and my prayers go out to ya.

  14. gottagetabigun

    gottagetabigun New Member

    hang in there. only thing that will heal you is time. my wife left me and the kids 20 years ago. 2 and 1/2 year old son and a 13 month old daughter. my daughter don't remember her mother. felt like a ton of bricks on my shoulders for years. anyway i remarried, my wife adopted the kids. the grace of God is what pulled me through. don't be afraid to date. that may be the last thing you want to do but it will help you. if you date don't break the #1 rule and talk about your ex. your in my prayers.
  15. CuzICan

    CuzICan New Member

    Fayetteville, A
    Truer words were never spoken--no one can ever know what goes on in another's mind...we need each other for strength, for sounding boards, for support, and sometimes just talking about it to someone neutral is such a relief...

    Pm me anytime, I know this is hard on you and every one else involved, and it's a bad situation, but God's will won't take you where his Grace won't sustain you...Just do what you know is right from this point and go from there.
  16. Kat-tamer

    Kat-tamer New Member

    I know that you may not want to hear from a woman right now, but then again it may help in the long run.

    I have been there too, I know you have probably read some of my other posts, I don't hide anything.

    Anyway, the pain you feel will fade, Just DON'T let it turn to hate. I think it is harder on you and the kids. I know it is hard to understand right now, but please just try your best, it makes the visitations with your kids easier.

    I truly believe that my ex's hatred for me stands in the way of him spending time with his children. (my older 2 only see him on holidays and the youngest maybe 1 time a month) This is not by my decision, he cancels alot.

    My best advice (if you will be living in the same town or close) go for joint custody, have your kids 3 or 4 days a week, and stick to it. You will find that you will need some days without the kids (later) and so will she. It is best for ALL (especially the kids) if they can count on you. There will not be much in the children's lives that is stable, make sure that you are 1 thing that can be stable for them. Pick them up on the days that you agree upon and bring them home on time. Soon you and your ex and the kids will be able to make plans and gain more stability.

    I hope I made some sense. I'm used to ramblin!:wink:

    If you want to talk, PM me. Sometimes getting to talk to someone you don't know very well helps more than you can imagine.
  17. catfishjohn

    catfishjohn New Member

    Greenup Co. KY
    Stay Strong Brother. Prayers are already sent also. PM me for my # if you wanna or ever need to talk. I've been through that ''D" word before.
    Thoughts and Prayers are with you!!! I wish you nothing but the best!!!:wink:
  18. flatter

    flatter New Member

    Hey my prayers and wishes go out for you. My parent are goin through a nasty one too right now. After 28 years. Its sucks i know. Just remember, everything happens for a reason. I try to tell you not to worry about it too much but i know thats impossible. Hang in there my friend it will all work out the ways its supposed to youll see. If ya need to pm me any time brother.
  19. Wil

    Wil New Member

    Minden Nebraska
    man i got prayers sent for ya. i cant say ive been in your situation but a broken heart sucks i know that atleast. one thing you need to do is show how strong you really are. this is a true test of strength for a man in your position. the strength you have to get up off your knees when it feels like theres 2 tons of weight on your shoulders is what will get you through this. i wish you the best of luck brother, life may not be giving you lemons now but if it did, the juice would be burning the gashes you have in your heart right now. and remember, once you hit rock bottom you cant get any lower so the only place to go is up. well youll fly again soon brother, hold your head high and spread those wings.

  20. loanwizard

    loanwizard Well-Known Member


    You have a very strong set of values. We've arugued it many times. Above all else stay true to yourself and those children. This is not your fault. It is never 100% 1 persons fault, but you are the good guy in this when it comes to fidelity and honesty (fidelity and financial). Without honesty a healthy relationship cannot exist. Stay true and talk it out amongst your friends and family, wherever you find them. True friends will become crystal clear to you in this time of duress. There are many pulling for you in this.