The beavers are in trouble!!!

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by Dreadnaught, May 4, 2006.

  1. Dreadnaught

    Dreadnaught New Member

    Messages:
    5,444
    State:
    Henderson,Ky
    This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Pennsylvania Department of Environmental Quality, State of Pennsylvania. This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.


    SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

    Dear Mr. DeVries:

    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality

    that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced

    parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner

    and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams

    across the outlet stream of Spring Pond.

    A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

    A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been

    issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is

    in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource

    and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being

    sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania Compiled Laws, annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially

    failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream

    locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and

    cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and

    desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow

    condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream

    channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2006.

    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that

    a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

    Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on

    the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

    We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

    Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

    Sincerely,
    David L. Price
    District Representative and Water Management Division.



    Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries:

    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Lycoming County

    Dear Mr. Price,

    Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.

    I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget Lane,

    Trout Run, Pennsylvania .

    A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing

    and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my

    Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project,

    I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures

    building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to

    attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose.

    I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam

    skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam

    persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

    As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must

    first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

    My first dam question to you is:
    (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or
    (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the

    Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other

    applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see

    if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams,

    of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the

    Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Pennsylvania

    Compiled Laws, annotated.

    I have several concerns. My first concern is, aren't the beavers entitled

    to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute

    and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to

    provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that

    either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing

    flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department

    is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond

    Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

    If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please

    contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously

    did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English.

    In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build

    their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green

    and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to

    live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources

    and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect

    the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

    So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be

    referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait

    until 1/31/2006? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice

    then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to

    contact/harass them then.

    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real

    environmental quality, health, problem in the area. It is the

    bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely

    believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and

    leave the beavers alone.

    If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step!

    The bears are not careful where they dump!

    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable

    to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this

    response to your dam office.


    THANK YOU.
    RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS
     
  2. tatersalad

    tatersalad New Member

    Messages:
    438
    State:
    Clover, SC
    i'm going to go change my pants now, laughed a little too hard.:embarassed:
     

  3. Tulcat

    Tulcat New Member

    Funny stuff...Thanks for sharing.
     
  4. SkiMax

    SkiMax New Member

    Messages:
    2,012
    State:
    Rising Sun, IN
    That is absolutely hilarious! Quite possibly the funniest thing I have ever read. It made my dam day!
     
  5. Tulcat

    Tulcat New Member

  6. IL Hunter

    IL Hunter New Member

    Messages:
    1,574
    State:
    Normal, IL
    That is abosolutely hilarious, but I bet the city people who had to read it didn't think so.
     
  7. RamRod

    RamRod New Member

    Messages:
    2,047
    State:
    Ohio
    Now that was too dam funny!!!:lol:
     
  8. Desperado

    Desperado Active Member

    Messages:
    1,244
    State:
    Pataskala, Ohio
    Name:
    Clarence
    That's a good one...LMAO... That goes to show that they took the word of people that live in the area and didn't go check it out there self.
     
  9. kspor

    kspor New Member

    Messages:
    716
    State:
    Wichita Kansas
    I would like the first to offer a donation to the dam beaver legal fund. I know there must be a dam lawyer who will defend these dam beavers before the dam laws evict them from their rightfull home.
     
  10. keithcatfish

    keithcatfish New Member

    Messages:
    148
    State:
    Maryville, TN
    Awesome reply!!!
     
  11. Salmonid

    Salmonid New Member

    Messages:
    1,833
    State:
    SW Ohio
    Yeah, Ive seen that one floating around for many years and I do believe it is true story except the state was Michigan where it happened if my memories served me right. It is a classic though!!:lol:

    Salmonid
     
  12. waterwalker

    waterwalker New Member

    Messages:
    604
    State:
    Louisville Ohio
    Really great stuff...wonder about the wisdom of our " leaders ".
     
  13. samh

    samh New Member

    Messages:
    807
    State:
    Damascus,Arkansas
    The trouble with this is it sounds all too believable, if you've had to deal with EPA and other government regulatory agency types, we farmed for over 30 years and towards the end we spent more time dealing with this kinda stuff than we did farming. Might not have been so bad if any of them had any idea what they actually needed to do or how to go about doing it, most of the time it just seemed they were try'n to justify their jobs no matter what it cost others or if it would really do any good.
     
  14. Dreadnaught

    Dreadnaught New Member

    Messages:
    5,444
    State:
    Henderson,Ky
    Hey fella's this is our tax dollars at work, LMAO!!!
     
  15. rodpod

    rodpod New Member

    Messages:
    518
    State:
    Evansville, Ind
  16. catseeman

    catseeman New Member

    Messages:
    1,189
    State:
    Indianapolis, Indiana
    I saw on the boob tube awile back a story about a man in MASS. that had a different problem with beavers. they flooded his property. the state of mass. wouldn't let him remove there dam.