Teaching a child responsibility

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by cook, Mar 18, 2006.

  1. cook

    cook New Member

    Messages:
    1,494
    State:
    Plattsburg,Mo.(near K.C.)
    Due to circumstances, my wife and I are raising our 11 year old grandson.

    Soccer season is here,and the first game is this morning.

    Weather outside now is 36F,rain/snow mix and gusty winds.

    He woke up not feeling too well and didn't think he could go.

    I had a talk with him about responsibility,loyalty,and priorities.

    I want to see what some of ya'll would have told him.

    I'll post exactly what I said later.
     
  2. FS Driver

    FS Driver New Member

    Messages:
    2,323
    State:
    swansea,illinoi
    id have to say that if the other kids went so should he.

    i might be an idiot but i would have used the old "by god when i was"
    routine on him and if that didnt work then i would suggest he drop if he wasnt up to the practices regardless of the weather.

    cant be a sunny day team player when everyone else was there dureing the crappy days

    JMO
     

  3. TIM HAGAN

    TIM HAGAN New Member

    Messages:
    1,236
    State:
    Walkersvil
    Well I played Football in school and my dad always told me to suck it up and go to my best. Rain Snow Ice we played Now as a father of 4 I tell them the same thing and let it up to them.
     
  4. loanwizard

    loanwizard Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,297
    State:
    Coshocton,
    My son would be playing unless the "not feeling well" is real. If he is truly sick, then it would be irresponsible to put him out in the elements and have him have to miss school. And of course if he were sick enough to have to stay home he should be in bed resting, not watching TV, playing Xbox, plsying with friends, he should be trying to get a lot of sleep. If he weren't "sick" we'd be using that as a teaching lesson, showing him that even when Dad doesn't feel 100% he still goes to work to pay for food and shelter, and that if he wants the respect, and wants to be able to do the things that responsible people get to do, this is an excellent opportunity to show either way, what type of character he is growing into.
     
  5. Doyle

    Doyle New Member

    Messages:
    582
    State:
    Illinois
    I've raised four children and I still don't know the answer. I always paid the price for forcing a child to do something that wasn't really that important. ....you know you can't say you don't like it if you don't take a bite so ... take a bitethe child takes a bite then barfs all over the table. ... You don't look that sick so we are going anyway .... the kid turned up having Mumps and was sick for three weeks.

    Let your wife decide, then you'll be safe.:)
     
  6. gofish

    gofish New Member

    Messages:
    658
    State:
    Greenville MS
    Let's put the shoe on the other foot. When you wake up and aren't feeling well, you have to make a decision. You know what your responsibilities are and you make the decision based on how you really feel. When you call your boss and say that you aren't coming in, what do you expect the reply to be? YOU know how you feel and you don't need your boss to tell you anything different. Granted, this situation involves a child who is relatively inexperienced in the ways of the world. If you offered your thoughts about responsibility and teamwork and the likes, I'm sure he made his decision taking all things into account. I'm not sure there is a right or best answer here. With age comes experience and being let down by others teaches lessons that 'lectures' rarely can. I think that if you can make the point that since people are counting on him and that he has made commitments, he should stick to them. However, even the strongest people get sick and just need some time off now and then.

    Whatever happened and however you handled it, I hope that everything turned out well. I have a 12 year old and a 7 year old. I know that this situation (and others more difficult) are on the way. I hope that I can provide strength and courage and responsibility when faced with adversity. All we can do is the best we can. I'm sure you offered your best advice and I'm equally sure that the child is all the better for it! Keep on keepin on...:)
     
  7. Nobody Special

    Nobody Special New Member

    Messages:
    614
    State:
    TN
    Does he really like to play soccer or are you making him play because YOU like the game? I would hope my kid would have enough sense to stay in out of the rain. Looks like maybe your's does, but his grandpa don't.

    Well, you asked for it.
     
  8. Rainman4u2

    Rainman4u2 Guest

    My response would be exactly what it was 2 days ago. The g/f's son came home from school in 33 degree weather in a t-shirt and no coat. Now the day before he stayed home from school with a sore throat and runny nose. He asks me(mom's still at work) if he can go out and play with his friends. I say no. I told him he was home from school the day before, and he had wore no coat that day. I told him his health was more important. I was trying to make him understand priorities.

    Ray
     
  9. cook

    cook New Member

    Messages:
    1,494
    State:
    Plattsburg,Mo.(near K.C.)
    Actually,I can't stand soccer,but love watching him do whatever he enjoys.

    Good points by all of you guys that responded.

    now the rest of the story.

    I said he made a commitment to his team,but also he has a commitment to his family,and so do I.
    He can't afford to miss school(so-so student) and I can't miss anymore work(some of you know my situation)

    The risk outweighed the benefit...he stayed in bed and read a book...I did laundry and dishes then went to work.

    A different time may have resulted in a different outcome,but I think the right choice was made,and he understood that sometimes things aren't always black and white.
     
  10. FishMan

    FishMan New Member

    Messages:
    2,293
    State:
    Tennessee
    soccer has nothing to do with the importance of the problem. What is important is the same thing that would be important if it were a job. It is surprising to me how many adults don't understand this point.

    The rest of the players on his team could be the best in the game and if he doesn't show up to do his part then his team could suffer.

    Same at work. When someone doesn't show for work your job must be done by people who already have a job. This slows production. The missing person could cost everybody money and at the very least you loose respect.

    We all get sick at times and our fellows workes understand that as we understand when they are sick. These times we cover for each other.

    Now maybe I am wrong but to not go because it's cold or raining is teaching a young one that any action taken to inhance his or her comfort is OK. This is a bad move.
     
  11. Doyle

    Doyle New Member

    Messages:
    582
    State:
    Illinois
    We do the best we can, sometimes we're right, sometimes we end up wrong. I think you did well. Good luck.
     
  12. Bobpaul

    Bobpaul New Member

    Messages:
    3,039
    State:
    Supply NC
    If he didn't feel good and you investigated that to your satisfaction and let him stay home, good for you.

    Too many can't afford a doctors visit, with or without insurance. This results in contamination of other students and workers. By the time they're seriously not feeling well, it's too late for the other people that have come in contact with them.

    A catastophic example of the above paragraph happened two weeks ago. My girlfriend went with a co-worker to see why their friend and co-worker wasn't at the door to be picked up for work. Through cicumstance of the event, my girlfriend ended up crawling through a window to unlock the front door and let in her friend and the landlady. They found their friend dead on the bathroom floor. Cause of death was a siezure from a meningitis infection. She was in there getting ready to go to work at the local walmart store.

    Recently two workers at the local walmart store died of meningitis within a month of each other. The local board of health cleared the store of a health problem related to meningitis. That is not to say you won't catch something else this time of year from the crowds there. I'm sure that's been the source of two flu episodes I had the past two yrs. This yr I got a flu shot and do my best to avoid the crowds, which is not always possible.

    My point is, why take a chance on his or your health, as long as you know he's not slacking.
     
  13. kspor

    kspor New Member

    Messages:
    716
    State:
    Wichita Kansas
    A man, or in this case a boy who will become a man, has but two things. His word and his honor. When you sign on for a team, job, relationship, etc you give them your word that you can be depended on. Breaking that word makes you dishonorable.

    If the boy is truelly sick then he should stay home, but if the reason is because of weather, team success, or ability then he should go. My son tried the excuse that he was not good at something, I would reply well neither was anyone the first time, but they kept trying. I have done many things in my life I didnt want to do, but I gave my word that I would, so I did.

    I am tough on my son and he is held accountable for all his actions. Its spring break here and he has neglected his book report that was assigned two weeks ago. Guess what he is doing before the fun and games begin.

    Call me a taskmaster, but responsibility and honor arent free and it must be taught, not sit around hoping that it will appear.

    Just my thoughts
     
  14. SSG Johnson

    SSG Johnson New Member

    Messages:
    638
    State:
    Saint Robert Missouri
    I only have one thing to say about this.......Loyalty one of the Army values and my favorite of all. He must not let himself or his team down. Now if he is truly ill then the team should be loyal enough to him to understand if it is just butterfly's then he should be loyal enough to his team to get passed the fear and do what he has trained so hard to do. He has to figure that out for himself though I dont think that loyalty can be learned (I could be wrong) it can be seen through example however some people are loyal and others just dont even understand the meaning of it. You go Grandpa your on the right track in my book.