Shaft the Sooners, baby

Discussion in 'Ersel's Gridiron Talk' started by Phil Washburn, Sep 11, 2008.

  1. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Shawnee OK
    this is a really funny column:smile2::smile2::smile2:

    UW needs breaks; Pac-10 refs can give them some
    By Jerry Brewer

    Times staff Columnist

    All right, Pac-10 refs. You're in trouble. You're a national punch line. Even Charles Barkley wants to fight you or eat you, maybe both.Your reputations are on the operating table, again. Because of your misguided logic at the end of the Washington-BYU game last week, you're about as untrustworthy as a fox at KFC right now. You've inspired so much hostility that your compadre who flagged Jake Locker, Mike McCabe, should consider changing his name to Ocho Cinco before returning to Seattle.You need help. Fortunately, there's a quick fix, at least to appease folks around here. The only charge for this antidote is your integrity, which is sort of what caused your by-the-book blunder anyway.You say you were merely staunch defenders of the rule book after Jake Locker harmlessly tossed the ball into the air Saturday? You say calling a penalty was not a judgment call, that you should hinder the outcome for something so silly? Well, striped saints, how do you explain that complete botch job in the Oregon-Oklahoma game two years ago?It's so interesting the Huskies and Sooners, your last two major victims, meet Saturday. It's such an opportunity for redemption.Don't act like you've never made a makeup call. It's time to resort to your favorite save-face tactic. And since this game is at Husky Stadium, it would be wise to help out the Huskies and worry about making it up to the Sooners later.There's only one way out of this jam, fellas: Shaft the Sooners, baby.Rob 'em again. You remember how. Tell the Huskies you'll take care of them on onside kicks that don't travel 10 yards. Call another mysterious pass-interference penalty on the Sooners.Repeat the creative decision-making as many times as needed. Considering the wide gap between the Sooners and Huskies, you might want to stock up on yellow flags this week.Don't worry about that little thing called fairness. Oklahoma owes Seattle this unlikely gift. Do it for the Sonics, refs. Do it for the Seahawks, who imported an NFL bust named Brian Bosworth from Oklahoma. Do it as a premature silver anniversary remembrance of the Huskies' 1985 Orange Bowl victory over the Sooners.This mission is not one to be taken lightly. The Sooners are my pick to meet USC in the national-championship game. They're good everywhere, from their fast-break offense to their athletically stunning defense. Oregon's talent overwhelmed the Huskies, so it's frightening to wonder how they might fare against Oklahoma's speed and power. It will be something the kiddies on this team have never seen.So you might need to do more than recreate your ineptitude from that Oregon-Oklahoma game two years ago. In a normal game, Oklahoma would probably win 35-14, and the margin could be even greater if the Huskies get wide-eyed. More creative decision-making may be required.Should the Sooners get ahead by double figures, you must immediately whistle Oklahoma for a 15-yard violation. Throw out a specialized green and yellow flag. When coach Bob Stoops fumes and asks for an explanation, look at him with fake remorse, say "boo hoo" and tell him to stop acting like a man possessed.That's the Clay Bennett penalty, of course. The Sooners will be so upset they won't know whether to play harder or ask for David Stern's intervention.Of course, after a while, the effects of such a call will wear off, and the Sooners will turn dominant again. After losing the Sonics, Seattle has certainly learned never to underestimate the state of Oklahoma. Sooners football is perhaps the state's greatest treasure, so this team won't be deterred.When they right themselves, you should call a fumble the next time an Oklahoma player loses the ball after he's down. Give the Huskies possession, of course, even if they're nowhere near the play. Be sure to have the same replay officials from that Oregon game up in the booth. No overturning that one. It's foolproof.These tactics should keep turning the momentum until the Huskies realize they actually have a chance to win. Then maybe Jake Locker can do his last-minute thing again. He won't let go of the football this time, that's for sure. He'll probably place a bonnet on it and nestle it into the field judge's hands.Sure, the entire nation would be on your case for messing up another game. But since a lot of Huskies fans would leave you alone, you're actually reducing your haters.And poor Oklahoma would rebound. You'd never have to see them again because they'd make good on their old threat of swearing off Pac-10 road trips. The Sooners would still be favored to win the Big 12 and earn a BCS bowl berth. Maybe they would be mad enough to win one for a change.Remember your mission: Shaft the Sooners. The Pac-10 will suspend you, but you'll be back in no time. As your recent history shows, you always live to make another colossal mistake.