Sad Story!

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by pk_powell, Aug 28, 2007.

  1. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    State:
    Missouri
    My daughters have a girlfriend who is a very sweet little girl.Bless her heart,she has a very sad life.She spent several days with us over the summer and practically begged for my kids to spend the night with her or she would sleep over with us.She and her female cousin both refer to me as Mom.
    I felt it was nessasary to call professionals in her regards one morning recently because she has been volunteering information to me that was just bowling me over.The 2ND day of school she asked if she could come down and have Lil Fish Bait help her with her math assignment. Folks she is in the 7TH grade same as Lil Fish Bait,and Lil Fish bait asked me "Mom how do I explain Long devision math on the phone to her,she doesn't understand?" I was totally floored. I send "Get her down here" I explained it to her,and showed her how and finally got her homework done. I told her I was taught in the 3Rd grade,she said she had never been taught. Then I noticed she was having trouble seeing,I asked about glasses,her response,I can get any,my folks don't have the money.Sooooooooo,.I just happened to have a brand new pair of Walmart reading glasses,and I asked her to try them on. She did and her response was Mom!! I can see. I said then take them and use them. Well............Along came suppertime,and the smell of food made her grab her stomach. Lil Fish Bait asked her when did you eat last,her response last night when Dad took me out to eat. I said,"You didn't eat breakfast? no,there's no food in the house,I said well you ate school lunch,no I didn't I did not have the money.I said what about a meal ticket,"My Dad can't pay for one till Monday. I was absolutely struck speechless!! I love kids with all my heart, and I strogly felt school needed to know all this,so I told them. Like PostBeetle titled hsi recent post "What would you have done?"~~~~~~~~~Sister Pat:sad2:
     
  2. randallewis

    randallewis New Member

    Messages:
    415
    State:
    Louisiana --Shreveport
    A very touching post. It makes you want to help but don't know how.
     

  3. GoFish_Tony

    GoFish_Tony New Member

    Messages:
    600
    State:
    Big Rock, IL
    Pat, Sometimes doing the "right" thing gets us in trouble or perhaps at times makes us unpopular, but, It's NEVER wrong to do the RIGHT thing.

    It's also important to remember that there is only so much that we ourselves can do to help others. Time, money, patience, knowledge, etc... is always limited and in sort supply. Thats why its to important for all of us to do our small part to make things right. It sounds to me like this is exactly what you have done. WELL DONE!

    Tony
    _
     
  4. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Messages:
    7,680
    State:
    Shawnee OK
    i would have opened my freezer and sent as much food home with her as a i could spare.
     
  5. spoonfish

    spoonfish New Member

    Messages:
    3,780
    State:
    Warsaw, Mo.
    I may have read this in the wrong way but it sounds to me like the school isnt doing much for her.

    You said she wasnt taught math and is in the 7th grade? Why?

    Our kids have there eyes checked every year in the schools. Would the teachers not notice a student that is haveing trouble reading?

    If her family is having some hardship they have lunch programs for lower income familys, why isnt she getting assistance?

    What would I have done? First I would have went to her parents and figured out why to all the above and tryed to help them. Then I think that school would have been next on my list for the same ansewers....
     
  6. cubedweller

    cubedweller New Member

    Messages:
    454
    State:
    MO
    Sister Pat, that sure hurts to hear, but it also warms my heart to hear that you've been so helpful. That's called being an example, and a fine one at that.

    Most of us try our hardest for our families. Some of us, no matter how hard we try, can't do everything that is needed. There's nothing wrong with that, because you've tried your best. I hope that this girl's parents are trying their hardest...and if they are, I hope that things turn around for them after they get the help they need.

    If they aren't making the efforts that are necessary, I hope they change their ways.

    As far as the school goes, there's no excuse for a 7th grader not knowing how to do long division. If teachers knew that she had fallen through the cracks, then they are failures. If a teacher knew and reported this to the administration, then they have failed. This wouldn't have happened in a one-room schoolhouse like the one my father attended.
     
  7. anchorpuller

    anchorpuller New Member

    Messages:
    857
    State:
    North Caro
    Pat,

    As sad as it sounds. I believe that there is a lot more to this story than the little glimpses the little girl is providing. What she has provided, though, makes it almost inhumane not to react.
    I, too, would have wanted to help her or ANY other child having difficulty understanding her homework.
    The schools are almost a joke anymore. With the limitations set on the teachers to control thier classes, the bullcrap "no child left behind", the shortage of qualified teachers, the influx of illegal immigrants that come from non-English speaking homes...and the list goes on and on. I try to understand the curriculum and support it to the point of TEACHING it at home after the teacher has presented it the best she/he could. I'm grateful that I'm able to do that. What about the parents that can't?
    As for the financial problems that the family may or may not be having. It's difficult to assess if this lack of food in the home is from them not having money to buy it or are the parents both working and the cupboards got low for a day or two? Do they have a drug problem or some other problem that they are neglecting the child?
    One thing is for sure. The child needs love. She displays that with her decision to call you "Mom". For whatever those reasons are. If it's in your heart, give it to her. Show her exactly what you seem to be showing... love and care and concern.
    If the opportunity presents itself or seems appropriate, like someone said before. I might try to get to know the parents. See if there is something that I could help with. Be that hooking them up with a few groceries to get them over a hump. If they are proud, maybe a casserole "for a new friend".
    The answers to your question are really difficult to give you with the very limited assessment you have.
    People don't live in glass houses (thank goodness) We all have our degree of dyfunctionalism that we work through at home without wanting the world to know. Where that degree becomes abuse or neglect is sometimes a very difficult call.
    When you know something is RIGHT to do, do it. Unfortunately, we don't always have a band-aid box big enough to fix all the boo-boos.
    Good luck Pat.
     
  8. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    State:
    Missouri
    To be honest I didn't put in every single detail because even though we are family,this isn't totally a PRIVATE WEBSITE,in that we have thousands of guests reading this. Without getting too detailed she has related a story to me about being with someone with her Mother's consent.This person decided at a traffic light to disrobe her complete top and hollor around.When asked if she told her Mother,yes but she laughed was her response.I told the little girl that SHE MUST report this to her father or as a reponsible parent I was going too. Her parents are divorced,and Mom is seeing someone who is incarcerated.They live in Seperate towns. This lil girl has been in many different relatives homes while growing up.

    As far as Schools,this is her first year of school with my daughter.She has been going to school in her Mom's town. The Glasses,she explained that she was sent to a doctor and the only option she had was to get a note from him that her assignments must be blown up so she can read them. I feel I did what had to be done.However,I was told from the professionals,that it didn't sound like a home visit was nessasary at this point.I feel this kid is a gigantic timebomb waiting to explode as she internalizes her feelings and uses food as a drug.My her own admission she has given black eyes and torn houses up over heartache(her dog died) and anger.I did my best,and I'll deal with any repercussions that may come from it.By the way, I did try to speak to her parents,the mother wouldn't come out to meet me as I taken her daughter to the Movies and the father will not speak to my husband. Quite the deal!!:sad2:
     
  9. bwhupp

    bwhupp New Member

    Messages:
    1,680
    State:
    Belleville
    School administrators do like to know t hese sort of things and dpeending on the district and board of education, they can offer help to the family or give them the resources t hey need should they so choose to go for it. The problem is a lot of times, people won't use it because of pride and feeling the drain of 'needing help'.

    Schools almost all have social workers and or councelors at their disposal. I know that for glasses for example, I believe the Lion's Club helps with those at least around here.

    It is a sad story... and I feel for her... Now think of the teacher who has to see it everyday and tryign to teach a student who has not eaten or can see. It's a rough road for a child in a poverty situation. Bless you for helping out the best you can. I too would have spoken with school district administration.
     
  10. baitchunker

    baitchunker New Member

    Messages:
    1,689
    State:
    alabama
    well pat,

    i have to give you and lil bait' credit for being the kind of ppl to step up and help someone in need. and boy does this girl have needs. i wish i could give you some tiny tidbit of advice, but i just dont have the experience of having been in your shoes (at least not successfully anyway). i think you are probably doing a boatload for her already by bringing her into the family and showing her as much support as you can.

    it does seem like the schools have failed her some. but, if the parents would conduct themselves like parents, and take responsibility for the life that they chose to create, they would have had any negligence on the schools part fixed by now. i cant see how any person (or animal) could not find a way to provide for the family that depends on them.

    i just hope that this young lady is not too scarred for life. i especially hope that she doesnt self destruct b4 her prime... the cycle has to stop somewhere. thank you for giving and doing what you can.

    j.d.
     
  11. bwhupp

    bwhupp New Member

    Messages:
    1,680
    State:
    Belleville
    Schools do give eye exams and if there is a warranted problem... they send referal letters home to the parents saying the child needs to see an eye doctor. The same goes with hearing... it is still the parents duty to follow through. The school cannot take children to specialists and doctors because the child needs to see them. They send referrals and letters home and/or call. Problem with these kind of parents is 1) don't reply to school or acknowledge them, 2) too busy or don't care about the child to take the advice given, 3) too poor to take a child to get required medical needs, or 4) too busy.

    I work for a school... I am a teacher... and it kind of hurts to read a lot of blame on the school. Granted.... it very well could be. But please, don't point fingers and claim that all of us teachers are 'not qualified' or have not had proper training and educational backgrounds.. because that is not justified and wrongful accusation.

    I have dealt with these situations first hand working with emotional disturbance and behavioral disorder kids. A lot of those kids are usually from broken families and run the streets at night because parents are busy doing other things... things not being a parent. I know this for fact, especially when trhe school resource officers visits the parents a lot or hauls them off to jail for a laundry load of offenses; drugs, assault, robbery.

    What is the school to do? Take each child to the doctor that needs it? The Child Protection Agencies don't help long term problems. They deal with immediate problems only. They are undermanned and understaffed. Not to mention the school cant afford nor have the staffing themselves to deal with each child like this. They can ( and god I hope because it is LAW) raise flags to authorities and report them.


    In regards to her not knowing division. Is the child on an IEP (individualized education program) or on a section 504? Is there already set special accomodations that the child needs above and beyond? The child is new to the district... so they do not know the child from Adam nor have a following up report and status. This means that if there is a problem, the child will have to be monitored and data collected. From that data, an assessment can be made if there is a call for a 504 or IEP and whether the childs needs qualify for federal funding to get them the help that they need.

    It is not like taking your car into the shop. Look under the hood and find the problem, then fix it. Pay a repair fee and back on the road tip top shape. This all takes time to do. Data has to be collected once there is a warranted need to track a student. That data has to be presented to the Special Education department and head over it all as well as administration. From t here, legal actions are to be taken. Oh... did I not mention th at the parents are to be in attendance and need to sign documents to even allow the child to be tested? That alone takes time, especially with poor parents who ignore the school district attempts to help their child.

    I can go on and on... but please.. do not say that we are all under qualified and not highly qualified by terms of No Child Left Behind Act or that we sit around making awesome pay and work 9-5 and clock out and go home. We spend what little money we make on our classroom. We have to continue our education with more college courses and attend workshops and conventions on our 'summers off' and 'weekends off'. We bust our butt for pathetic pay and reinvest it all back into the education of everyone elses child. I am not complaining, but I am explaining.
     
  12. anchorpuller

    anchorpuller New Member

    Messages:
    857
    State:
    North Caro

    Brian,

    Please understand, in my case, I'm certainly NOT making any accusations against the teachers that we do have. What I said in essence is that the ones we have are overwhelmed with more students than they can handle (shortage of teachers). I also believe that the no children left behind has imposed even more complications for the teacher. That child that didn't learn to read gets advanced for the next teacher to, not only teach his/her curriculum, but to try to catch that child up so he/she CAN learn that years curriculum! I know you feel it. I can't imagine the frustration! EOG's are a joke too. I know I have one that failed it in 2nd grade and was passed on. It was a truly difficult road for the teacher, her and I to get her where she needed to be. I thank God for a patient teacher that was willing to go above and beyond for her (us). I, for one, REALLY appreciate all you and the other teachers do for our kids! I just put my two in fourth grade. TWENTY EIGHT students in that class, including a few that can't speak (much less read) English! That isn't even taking the children that are behind in knowledge into consideration. God knows, I feel for the poor teacher! I asked the principle about it and her direct quote to me was "We can't find enough qualified teachers."

    Does it make it the schools fault? No. I don't believe that either. What I do believe has made our schools a joke is some of the laws that have been passed because of the demand for political correctness, and some of the regulations imposed upon the schools for funding.

    I hope in this little girls case, the school is able to put together the data needed and go through all the processes you mention to try to get her help.


    Pat,

    I knew that there was much more to it than you first gave. I have no doubt that you are doing and will continue to do what you can for the girl. Most of all, giving her someone to look up to and to show her love and acceptance.
     
  13. postbeetle

    postbeetle New Member

    Messages:
    6,598
    State:
    Iowa
    Hey Pea Kay, you still PO'd at me for shooting my mouth off? Nothing personal young Lady, just something I had to say. If you have ever played pool you call your shots and hope it works.

    Schools, administrators, parents, Government, somebody else. That all equals B(period) S(period) (period) You da Boss now Ma'am. You have the ability to straighten this girl out to the best of your ability. You have a safe haven. You have food to supply without breaking you. You have a belief system that she can accept. You watch over her and provide her what she needs without interfering. MOM. Screw the teachers, administrators, welfare, Government and all their wishy washy peeing excuses. Love thy neighbor as thyself. This little girl is thyself.
     
  14. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    State:
    Missouri
    I don't stay PO"d long,you shot your Mouth off and I shot right back,that's about all there is too that. I care quite abit about kids in General.They are the future and so I try my best to give her a safe haven, Lil Fish Bait get's tired of havin her around occassionally but that's just her age.I don't have her all the time,but I believe I have expressed to her and her female cousin if they need me ever even if it's 3Am they got my phone number.:big_smile::wink: