Quickies

Discussion in 'LOCAL CALIFORNIA TALK' started by vini, Aug 11, 2006.

  1. vini

    vini New Member

    Messages:
    1,389
    State:
    Fresno
    One day, Jay came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
    in a very sexy nightie.
    "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."
    So he tied her up and went fishing.
     
  2. vini

    vini New Member

    Messages:
    1,389
    State:
    Fresno
    Two peanuts were walking down the street.
    One was assaulted.
     

  3. vini

    vini New Member

    Messages:
    1,389
    State:
    Fresno
    Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
    "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
    convent."
    "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
    chardonnay."
     
  4. vini

    vini New Member

    Messages:
    1,389
    State:
    Fresno
    Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
    and the other is a husband.
     
  5. Memphis_Catfish_King

    Memphis_Catfish_King New Member

    Messages:
    435
    State:
    Memphis,TN
    lol some oldy but goodys thanx man:lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  6. vini

    vini New Member

    Messages:
    1,389
    State:
    Fresno
    Hey Memphis,

    Us Californians must have fell asleep around here or they're all out:big_smile: fishin
     
  7. vini

    vini New Member

    Messages:
    1,389
    State:
    Fresno
    What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
    Anyone can roast beef.


    :look_down:
     
  8. daystarchis

    daystarchis New Member

    Messages:
    11,521
    State:
    Clovis Cali
    Just got back from the river......:big_smile: Just kidding. I been working my fat tale off:crazy: Need to get out there and see them stars.
     
  9. whiskers77

    whiskers77 New Member

    Messages:
    318
    State:
    Southern California
    There are still a few of us California brothers poking around. Thanks for the laughs Vini, I like the first one!!!

    I know what you mean Robb, I've been doing a lot more working than fishing lately :angry: . I just received my brand new 5hp briggs and stratton outboard in the mail yesterday. It should be perfect for my 12' fiberglass gamefisher, I can't wait to get out and use it!

    How has the fishing been up there in the central and northern parts?
     
  10. BamaCats Lady

    BamaCats Lady New Member

    Messages:
    312
    State:
    Luverne, Alabama
    Vini, I love the one about the Convent! Thanks for the laughs!
    Lisa
     
  11. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    State:
    Missouri
    Thanks for the great laughs! Especially the one about the convent. That one was really funny!---------pk powell:big_smile:
     
  12. daystarchis

    daystarchis New Member

    Messages:
    11,521
    State:
    Clovis Cali
    It is getting better since that dredfull 110 heat:crazy: Been doing over nighters every friday night for over a month now. I can notice the lil change in the weather and the dew. Fall is around the corner:smile2:
     
  13. whiskers77

    whiskers77 New Member

    Messages:
    318
    State:
    Southern California
    Thats good to hear that things are getting better, I did hear on the news that there were a lot of heat related deaths in Fresno alone. I'm glad it has cooled down all across California, it makes fishing much more pleasant. Good luck tonight on your overnighter! Let us know how you do!
     
  14. Fishin Dash

    Fishin Dash New Member

    Messages:
    25
    State:
    CALI
    Hey whats up guyz, my name is Dash another local CA fisherman, im a buddy of robb's, saw him wearing the catfish 1 shirt out in mendota and i had to come check it out, looks pretty cool, hope to talk to you all some more another time.

    -Good Luck
     
  15. vini

    vini New Member

    Messages:
    1,389
    State:
    Fresno
    welcome Fishin Dash I fish with Robb too.
     
  16. Capt Steve

    Capt Steve Active Member

    Messages:
    727
    State:
    Clovis, CA
    Welcome Dash. Get a avatar photo so you can enter the giveaway contests on here.
     
  17. catwacker

    catwacker New Member

    Messages:
    202
    State:
    illinois
    >My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was
    >God, and I didn't.
    >________________________________
    >
    >Marriage is a three-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and
    >suffering.
    >---------------------------------------------------
    >For Sale:
    >Wedding dress, size 8.
    >Worn once by mistake.
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman:
    >Before marriage and after marriage.
    >---------------------------------------------------
    >
    >Why were hurricanes usually named after women?
    >Because when they arrive, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they
    >take your house and car.
    >
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too
    >qualified for the job.
    >
    >"Look Miss," said the foreman, "have you any actual experience in
    >picking lemons?"
    >
    >"Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied.? "I've been divorced
    >three times."
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
    >been living with for the last 40 years.
    >
    >The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
    >that were used to put the curse on you."
    >
    >The old man says without hesitation,
    >"I now pronounce you man and wife."
    >
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
    >
    >Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the
    >check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
    >
    >Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward
    >looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you
    >like to buy?"
    >
    >Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
    >neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a
    >table.
    >
    >"Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may not have
    >45 minutes" They were seated immediately.
    >------------------------------------------------
    >
    >The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would
    >hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.
    >
    >
    >-------------------------------------------- -
    >
    >Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
    >get used to the idea.
    >
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in
    >your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
    >what would you like them to say?"
    >
    >Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
    >spiritual leader, and a great family man."
    >
    >Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher
    >and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
    >
    >Al said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
    >
    >Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean
    >to you?"
    >
    >The Lord replies, "A minute."
    >
    >Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
    >
    >The Lord replies, "A penny."
    >
    >Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"
    >
    >The Lord replies, "In a minute."
    >
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
    >Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she
    >sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do
    >you think I should do?"
    >
    >"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell
    >me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
    >
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last
    >request, dear," he said.
    >
    >"Of course, John," his wife said softly.
    >
    >"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Bob."
    >
    >"But I thought you hated Bob," she said.
    >
    >With his last breath John said, "I do!"
    >
    >------------------------------------------------------
    >
    >A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and
    >I have to talk to you about it."
    >
    >The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
    >
    >The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
    >
    >The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
    >
    >The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning
    >me, what should I do?"
    >
    >The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what
    >I can find out and I'll let you know."
    >
    >A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
    >wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
    >
    >The man said yes and the Rabbi! replied, "Take the poison."
    >
    >
    >
     
  18. whiskers77

    whiskers77 New Member

    Messages:
    318
    State:
    Southern California
    Welcome to catfish1 Dash, there a lot of good brothers and sisters here on this board and a lot of great information. Its good to have some more people from California here!
     
  19. daystarchis

    daystarchis New Member

    Messages:
    11,521
    State:
    Clovis Cali
    Hey Bro.....Whats up? Need to hit the water dude! Good to see you joined. Check it out. You will learn a lot. Call me bro!:big_smile:
     
  20. Fishnhuntforever

    Fishnhuntforever New Member

    Messages:
    256
    State:
    Northern California
    Welcome to the BOC! Good people! Good info!