People with Pets.... Attention Please!!!

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by Dreadnaught, Dec 22, 2006.

  1. Dreadnaught

    Dreadnaught New Member

    Pet Rules!!!

    To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

    Dear Dogs and Cats,

    The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

    The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

    I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

    For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
    Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

    The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

    To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

    To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

    1. They live here. You don't.
    2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
    furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
    3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
    4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
    son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours
    and doesn't speak clearly.

    Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
    1. Eat less
    2. Don't ask for money all the time
    3 Are easier to train
    4. Normally come when called
    5. Never ask to drive the car
    6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
    7. Don't smoke or drink
    8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
    9. Don't want to wear your clothes
    10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

    And finally,
    11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
  2. kat in the hat

    kat in the hat Well-Known Member

    That just about sums it up. My dog is all about sleeping perpendicular. Then she stretches and pushes me right to the edge of the bed. LOL! That's a good post.

  3. Pastor E

    Pastor E New Member

    Beebe AR
    If my Dogs could read I would have them read this Sometimes we think they are to smart for their on good for we find ourselfs spelling words we don`t want them to hear:big_smile:
  4. alands94

    alands94 Active Member

    Lebanon, I
    How true! I will post this on the refrigerator right away. Like my wife and I say, our dogs are smarter than many people.
  5. MRR

    MRR New Member

    Now that is a darn good post. A person doesn't realize how well they have us trained. I know mine does.
  6. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    All the Gold in Fort Knox! It made me laugh hard and just really brightened my day! Thank you for such a wonderful heart warming post reps to ya man!:big_smile:
  7. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    Sorry Dreadnaught! I tried to rep it wouldn't let me,but just the same it's a wonderful wonderful post!!! Can't tell I'm a dog lover can ya?:lol:
  8. Mickey

    Mickey New Member Supporting Member

    John thank you for an excellent post. That is one we can all relate to as owners or visitors. This applies to my Chi-wa-wa in many ways. Thanks:big_smile:
  9. Grub Worm

    Grub Worm New Member

    good post!
    got a good laugh
  10. ka_c4_boom

    ka_c4_boom New Member

    im glad in some ways i dont have a pet , but i miss my wifes pup layla she was a good freind and slept with me on the couch every night till she got ran over . maybe some day we will have another boxer pup , when we can afford it .
  11. laidbck111

    laidbck111 New Member

    I want to know where you have been hiding in my house watching my dogs take over.
  12. pythonjohn

    pythonjohn New Member Supporting Member

    F L A Swamps
    My dogs loved It.