Pain

Discussion in 'LOCAL ILLINOIS TALK' started by catfishken, Aug 7, 2009.

  1. catfishken

    catfishken Member

    Messages:
    50
    State:
    Streator, Illin
    so after 5 years me and my wife are getting a divorce something we both wanted but who knew it would hurt so bad does any of u have any ideas to make the pain stop i know i sound like a sissy and i'm sorry but i just want this feeling of hurt gone.
     
  2. hock_paul

    hock_paul New Member

    Messages:
    246
    State:
    illinois
    Sorry to hear the bad news Ken. I don't have any experience with marriage, but it sounds like the situation can only get better. You always have tomorrow to look forward to and I know that whenever I'm down about something, I can always surround myself with my good friends and family. I lost my twin brother/ best friend in a car accident when I was 22 years old and for a long time I didn't think that I'd ever have another happy day for the rest of my life. Yet, even though that pain is still very much with me everyday, things do get better and you will find that you do have a great future to look forward to. Try to do some things that made you feel happy before this happened and even though being with people you love can help, maybe spend some time alone to think about what you can do to make yourself happier, it can be a big inspirational lift. I know that it helped me out a lot and to this day, I still spend quite a few days and nights hunting and fishing by myself and it makes me feel good to know that I'm still here on this earth to enjoy that. Good Luck Ken and remember that things like this do get better, it just takes a little time.
     

  3. Mickey

    Mickey New Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    14,592
    State:
    Illinois
    Kenneth sorry to here of your divorce and pain. Love doesn't start or stop with a decision. It sounds like you still love her. Time will give you healing. Turning this over to God, will give you comfort.
     
  4. SGTREDNECK

    SGTREDNECK New Member

    Messages:
    1,522
    State:
    Tennessee
    Kenneth, I am going through the same thing right now. I am the one who wanted the divorce in the first place, but it still hurts. I act like nothing is wrong most of the time, but i still feel the pain when I am alone. All I can say is just keep your friends close and do something to keep yourself busy. The BOC has helped keep me busy. I cannot fish right now, so all the stories from my BOC brothers and sisters keeps me busy until i can get back and go fishing on my own. If you need someone to talk to just pm me.
     
  5. Swampfox.

    Swampfox. New Member

    Messages:
    1,182
    State:
    Louisiana
    i agree with Paul, but i would also add that you not stew on it so much. im not suggesting that you repress your heart ache, that can only lead to health trouble.ulcers, etc. With everything there is a season and with every mountain there is a valley, u are definately in a valley. you are about to start a new chapter in your life, and it is important that you take care of yourself. you will find, just as i did when my little brother died a few months back, that this site can be very theraputic. i spent alot of time reading and getting to know some of the folks here. you know, i dont know how things wouldve went with the depression without the interaction i have had here, but things are better in that regard. i would encourage you to read some of the most recent posts on the boards, youll find that you are not alone in that valley. some other guys are going threw some stuff too. keep your head up brother. things will get better. go in chat sometime and mingle with some of our members, got some good people here.
     
  6. JUG_LINE

    JUG_LINE New Member

    Messages:
    82
    State:
    NE Oklahoma
    Do something fun until you screw up and land another one.:smile2:
     
  7. Catfish_Scooter

    Catfish_Scooter New Member

    Messages:
    2,055
    State:
    Tennessee
    I know ive sure been with many of girls in my few teenage yrs and probly had close to a half a yearbook full of em. It hurts bad.. ya just gotta think if the two of us together cant work it out.. then it just isnt meant to be and know life goes on.:embarassed::wink:
     
  8. backwoodsman68geric

    backwoodsman68geric New Member

    Messages:
    943
    State:
    illinois
    Sorry to hear about your divorce Kenneth. Went thru it once before, its he@@ I know. We were together 12 years, it was a disaster after just a few years. Alot say this but it does work, move on. Dont start into a serious relationship right off but do date. Even if its just dinner and a movie etc. Immerse yourself in your hobby's or take up some new one's. If its truly over get rid of the "stuff" you have from that relationship. Did you guys have kids? Kids make it alot rougher. We had 3. The old saying is very true, time heals all wounds. You probably will never be totaly "over' her but as the days turn into months then years the hurt will ease. One day your gut wont hurt and the bile wont rise in your throat when you think about/of her. Takes awhile, trust me there. One other thing, get a good lawyer! If your from my area I can recommend a few. Divorce is never civil, and at the chance Im offending someone be careful agreeing to anything as far as bills etc. The other side will say they want to be fair and civil. Good luck with that. Good luck and wish ya well. P.S. Keep your chin up, life does go on.
     
  9. bodach

    bodach New Member

    Messages:
    92
    State:
    KS Emporia
    I wish there was something I could tell you that could help but there is not that I know of depending on your beliefs prayer can help but that is up to you friends can help tremendously but I can tell you from my experience what wont help and this I know well trying to cover up the pain with drinking or drugs only make it worse the pain/problem is still there and will only get worse because of it wish you all the best luck and hang in there it will get better in time.
     
  10. snakeman76

    snakeman76 New Member

    Messages:
    336
    State:
    Tallahassee, Fl
    matt said it perfect brother I mwent through a ugly divorce and pain and grief take there toll but be strong look forward to your future concentate now on your kids if you have any go fishing re-invent yourself find new intrests or rekindle the old.:wink:time is your friend...good luck:wink:
     
  11. Catmanblues

    Catmanblues New Member

    Messages:
    2,224
    State:
    S.E Ohio
    Kenneth I've been there myself. If the x-wife still loves you she will come back. The pain takes time to go away that's for sure. I was down an depressed for about 6 months when I went thru it. Knowing that mine wasn't worth having did help get thru the tough times. You'll get thru it an be even strong after that's for sure.
     
  12. Bubstr

    Bubstr New Member

    Messages:
    18
    State:
    Illinois
    Ken, I know how you feel. My wife walked out after 24 years last March, after an argument about her gambling. I don't even miss her now. I'm still breaking myself of feeling guilty for coming home late when the fishing is good. Just be thankful if all the credit cards wasn't maxed out and the house payment missed for the last six months. I got them things going the right way and still have more money in my pocket. I can only think of that old Roy Clark song, "Thank God and Greyhound, she's gone". Life is too short to be stuck with someone that don't want you around.
     
  13. mikey823

    mikey823 Member

    Messages:
    95
    State:
    Illinois
    There is a lot more to it than just the divorce, I have been through it, took 2 years to get the divorce final and then there was also a custody battle. I did get 50% custody after the judge said my wife or ex wife lied on the stand. but that was the only break I got.
    She cleaned out the bank accounts, and while I was at work, she had 8 or more family members clean out the house, so you can imagine the feeling I had when I came home from work to an empty house.
    There is too many laws for the woman. I haven`t met a good lawyer yet, the one I had hurt me almost as bad as she did. Lawyer charged me over $55,000. because between the 2 lawyers they drug everything out so they can make more money.
    I had to sell the family home, then I had to rent for about 10 years, finally I was able to buy a cheap house to get me out of paying rent.
    I wasn`t able to do hardly any fishing for those 10 years because while I was renting I wasn`t able to have everything I needed in one spot, if I did go fishing I had to make stops at 3 different places to collect my equipment.
    To this day I still have the burns and very bitter about it and I was divorced 20 years ago this past spring.
    If I would of stayed married my house would of been paid for about 12 years ago and I would be retired several years ago.
    My doctor asked me when I am going to retire and I told him, "you tell me when I am going to die and I will retire 6 months before that."

    Enough of my storie, I sill have to vent even after 20 years.
     
  14. big-muddy

    big-muddy New Member

    Messages:
    1,834
    State:
    norfolk, va
    mine happened 3 years ago and i still havent really gotten over it. i guess i never will. but my current proffession sure keeps my mind of it. its either think about what im doing or start thinking about my ex and get myself killed in a mishap.
     
  15. John(Bullhead)Hagen

    John(Bullhead)Hagen New Member

    Messages:
    135
    State:
    ILLinois
    Hey brother i want to tell you something from the brain and the heart so please listen.First off go call all credit card companys that you have and make sure that she doesnt have any you are not aware of.and cancell them and have your bank account closed and open a new one at a new bank in your name only.Let your bank know that you and wife are getting divorced so they can not issue credit to her with you getting the bill Also if she is paying house they can call you if she doesnt, check every month. Get your name off all the utilitys her name only or you will get stuck.You will have to be current to do this. As far as the heart ache it will get better and winter and holidays are the worst.Women are everywhere and dont bring any home it is all right to sample some but dont even think about bringing one home for at least a year or more.They are good and the things they will do will amaze you and you will think you are in love STOP.Bars are not good and the head ache the next day is bad try your friends and i mean all of them because if they are married there wifes will think of you as a problem so you will have to fish hunt or watch the game with a different one every now and then.Try something new fish where you want take boat and go for the weekend you will meet people at the campgrounds and have a blast,dont dwell on the fact you are getting divorced just say i dont have a wife and you are out enjoying life.I was divorced for 5 years before i found the right one so take your time.The pain is only sharp right now it will get better after the divorce.You will always have a thought or two for your ex wife but as time goes by you will wish her luck and not even think about the life you had but the one you now have. God Bless
     
  16. cepierce

    cepierce New Member

    Messages:
    17
    State:
    Scott AFB
    I must be a glutton for punishment. Been married three times and divorced three times. I think I will just find a women that already hates me and buy her a house.
    It's not a pleasant experience. Would like to take the lawyers from both sides out fishing with me one night(hehehe evil laugh and grin). Keeping active is/was the key for me. I tend to dwell on things if I have too much time on my hands. Only time and prayers my friend.
    Chad