Moral Dilemmas

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by zeboman, Sep 13, 2008.

What would you do ????

  1. Tell on him

  2. Stay out of it

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  1. zeboman

    zeboman New Member

    Messages:
    2,883
    State:
    Pennsylvan
    I`m currently taking an ethics class and one text book is scenario based. Each week we are given five scenarios to read and decide what we would do in each case , there is no wrong or right answer. The following is an example scenario , I thought it would interesting to see how most people would handle this situation.

    Your two friends Lisa and John are about to be married and John told you that he cheated on his fiance after a night of drinking at the local bar. He assures you that he loves Lisa and wants to spend the rest of his life with her. John also says that the cheating was a moment of weakness and he will never do it again. What would you do ????
     
  2. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Messages:
    7,680
    State:
    Shawnee OK
    she picked him. it is her marriage. none of my business, but i would not be much of a friend to him if he didn't find a way to tell her about it.
     

  3. flathunter

    flathunter New Member

    Messages:
    5,723
    State:
    Ohio
    I would tell John he is a piece of crap, and does not deserve lisa.

    I would tell him either he tells her or I will.
     
  4. zeboman

    zeboman New Member

    Messages:
    2,883
    State:
    Pennsylvan
    The dilemma here is that you are friends with BOTH of them.
     
  5. Wil

    Wil New Member

    Messages:
    1,746
    State:
    Minden Nebraska
    everyone deserves a second chance, if hes sorry then id keep my mouth shut but it he messes up again im tellin
     
  6. PTDixieGal

    PTDixieGal New Member

    Messages:
    196
    State:
    Little Rock, Ar
    I voted "tell on him." But it's either he tells or I tell. He's got to be given the opportunity to come clean with her first. If he's not willing to do that, then I tell.
     
  7. DANZIG

    DANZIG New Member

    Messages:
    6,672
    State:
    West Virginia
    Not enough info.

    Do I want Lisa? Is she family? Do I owe her for something?
    Is John a "Brother" or just an acquaintance?
    Do I owe him for some past favor?....... I can think of many variables.



    Is there some way I can blackmail him for profit??:wink::smile2::smile2:


    In general I have found it best just to mind my own business.
     
  8. Iablue

    Iablue New Member

    Messages:
    91
    State:
    IOWA
    I don't see the content of the question. What would you do?????????????
     
  9. smokey

    smokey New Member

    Messages:
    1,876
    State:
    Tennessee
    He had told me how bad he feels about it.He told me he was drunk.I belive I would tell him to watch his actions,and I never want to hear about anything like that happning again.How many ppl have done dumb things when they were full of booz.
    smokey
     
  10. iabowhunter

    iabowhunter New Member

    Messages:
    465
    State:
    South East Iowa
    I agree with you 100%. If he loves her then he needs to come clean. If he doesn't he will have to live with it for the rest of his life. As hard as it would be to come clean it will be worse when she finds out on her own. It's only a matter of time untill she does find out. What come around goes around.
     
  11. ryang

    ryang Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,311
    State:
    Blacklick, Ohio
    Name:
    Gary

    Its better for him to tell her now then find out that she probably already knows or after from his @#$#@%$# around that he picked up a bug:eek:oooh:

    There are some missing points tho,

    1. how good of a friend are you to both of them
    2. are you looking for an in to take his spot
    3. are you answering as yourself
     
  12. JimmyJonny

    JimmyJonny Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,059
    State:
    sc
    Well, I have to put in some assumptions on this. In my scenario John was my friend first and a more so than her. I would also have to assume I know him good enough to say he isn't a cheater normally . I would give him the speech and I wouldn't be happy to be put in this position.

    Life has taught me to mind my own business, ya just gotta know when. I couldn't tell on him because no possible good can come from it. People make mistakes and it's not my business to play God......

    Now if they were already married things would be even harder ; )

    -Jim-
     
  13. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Messages:
    7,680
    State:
    Shawnee OK
    my answer factored that in. if he doesn't tell, he sees less of me and she wants to know why i don't come around anymore, i would tell her to ask him.

    in a situation like that, he has the potential to ruin both friendships. nonetheless, it still comes back to her choosing him.

    i don't have to be friends with him if he cheats and HE is the one that owes her the explanation, not me.
     
  14. switchback

    switchback New Member

    Messages:
    212
    State:
    Illinois
    The thing is you are friends with both of them if you tell you risk loosing both friends. What i mean by that is obviously he wont trust you again and could tell her that you are just jealous and wanted something from her and that will cause problems with her. So it really is a problem cause if you just go up and tell her that her fiance your friend jsut cheated on her she could blame you or she might think that you are jsut telling her so she might go after you instead. There are so many things that can and will go wrong with this, SOME OF MY FRIENDS went through this before and some of them are now, theres nothing easy about it theres always something that causes you to loose a friend about it unless you just shut up and stay out of it and let your friends work it out. Now that ive said that if you are just friends with one of them its a little easier but still the one that they pick almost always wins at first meaning that people are useally stupid and believe what the one they are in love with tells them not what there friend that they tell everything to has to say, plus even though you are friends you never know how a friend will react. My best friend asked me about a year ago if his girlfriend ahd been cheating on him cause i knew her before he did? Well i was almost positive that she did but all i could tell him was I dont know. The reson i said that for 1 is i wasnt 100% positive and two you never know even how your friends will react to something like this. Turns out i was right she was. Everybody tells there friends to tell them if they find out that there significant other is cheating, I on one hand would want them to tell me, but like i said you never know how that will make you react and who knows if youll belive them or not anyway. MY thoughts lots of space between my ears and probally dont make since to you guys
     
  15. switchback

    switchback New Member

    Messages:
    212
    State:
    Illinois
    Plus a drunk persons words and actions are a sober persons thoughts
     
  16. Mi11er

    Mi11er New Member

    Messages:
    5,117
    State:
    Independence, M
    I just stay out of things like this. I hate the he said she said stuff and if he told me in cofidence that info, then I would feel I needed to keep my mouth shut. I am not saying its right or wrong, its just what I'd do
     
  17. floundahman

    floundahman New Member

    Messages:
    564
    State:
    North Caro
    Phil, you're right on brother. He needs to come clean. If it was a one-time thing then telling her would not only allow him to quiet his conscience, but it would be a powerful insurance policy against another "mistake". Her reaction would also demonstrate the strength of her commitment. It's easy to speak in hypotheticals, but how a person deals with ugly realities is the only true indicator of a person's character. To answer the question directly, what would I do? I'd tell him he must come clean or I won't support the marriage (don't attend the wedding). If I'm friends with both of them, there is sure to be a question. The moral dilemma is his, not mine. He should answer the questions.
     
  18. pphillips

    pphillips New Member

    Messages:
    98
    State:
    OK
    exactly. its not a dilemma, its becoz you are their friend that you would do this. being a friend, a good friend, is not always going 2 be easy.
     
  19. CuzICan

    CuzICan New Member

    Messages:
    1,751
    State:
    Fayetteville, A
    I advise him to be straight up and tell her HIMSELF. I remind him that it will probably be found out, which it probably will, and that it will eat at his conscience until he does make it right. I also tell him that it would better for the wedding NOT to take place rather than to take place and then end in divorce because now he's not only a CHEATER but a LIAR as well, cuz to me not telling is lying. I would try to encourage him to do the deed himself and not place me in that position. Sounds like he wants her to know or he woulda kept it to himself or he is indeed afraid it will come out in the end.

    If he is a friend , he would not have placed you in that postion, however to begin with. Hard call here. You are friends with both and friends are friends no matter what they've done for you or you for them that 's the joy of being friends. The old I owe you shouldn't come into play cuz in my opinion it's a lousy way to keep score.

    If you tell her and they work it out and make up then they are BOTH mad at you and you've lost not one friend but two.

    That is the most humiliating thing in my book that can happen to either a man or woman. If you don't want the one you are with then LEAVE or break up though through my understanding of this it was a one night stand, which to me is somewhat different than an on going affair, but it's still a breach of the most sacred of trust no matter how you look at it.
     
  20. deadly_legend

    deadly_legend New Member

    Messages:
    215
    State:
    Evansville, Ind
    well if you dont tell and he doesnt again and she finds out you knew about the first time you are screwed, but if you tell, you will more than likely lose a friend, BUT, i think i would tell him if he hurts her, then he wont be able to reproduce, or even think about it.


    im protective of friends