Michigan DNR Idiot Reports

Discussion in 'LOCAL MICHIGAN TALK' started by sal_jr, Aug 15, 2005.

  1. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    Best place in the world to come for a laugh at the dummies of our fine state!!!!
    The link here will take you to an interesting part of the DNR site.

    This part is where they report what goofy and dumb things they stop from happening in our state, goofy and dumb things they catch people doing, and the goofy and dumb things they investigate and prove about our fellow michigan folk.

    NOTE- They add filler and take dramatic license here and I CAN prove it. FACT: I was NOT issued a ticket on one weekend in 2003 and my buddy was.
    Somehow although all the other facts add up, in the process that was reported online, "two people were issued a total of 4 tickets" when in actuality only "person number one" got one $50.00 ticket for camping in a reserve (still cheaper than renting a riverside motel on 4th of july weekend in Grand Haven) and person "number two" just got a severely swollen and sprained ankle, a horrible hangover-induced headache, a sunburn, and harassed all to heck for being a rude grump at the time that they were stopped by the DNR- a claim I... I mean "he" never denied.

    The part that annoys me is that the website said that "those guys" got a ticket for littering too. I would have rather they lied and said they found drugs or stolen merchandise on me than accuse me (even anonymously as they report it) of littering. That's my #1 pet peeve is watching jerks toss their crap all over!!! Oh well.

    It is still fun to look at though... here's the link.

    http://www.michigandnr.com/law/ReportYea rSelect.asp

    Sal
     
  2. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    my personal favorite so far [From the week of 8-3-2003]:

    CO Mike Borkovich awoke at 3:00 a.m. to a vehicle (with a loud stereo) parked in his driveway. CO Borkovich observed a female urinating in his yard and a male drinking beer inside a jeep. The people were surprised when the garage door opened and a patrol truck with its emergency lights activated came out. The vehicle attempted to leave but was stopped by CO Borkovich. The driver was arrested and lodged for Operating Under the Influence of Liquor (OUIL). The driver asked CO Borkovich what the odds of stopping in an officer's driveway were.


    ROTLMAO- What morons!?!?!

    Sal
     

  3. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    I'm tellin ya... you cant make up comedy like this!!!! [from week 12-7-03]

    CO Steve Burton reports that an individual he arrested in deer season for hunting while intoxicated appeared for arraignment intoxicated. His blood alcohol level was 0.209. The judge lodged him until he could appear sober.

    That's fantastic. Ahh.... my home state.
     
  4. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    [1-18-04]

    CO Bob Torres was called to a local hospital to investigate a hunting accident. A rabbit hunter set his firearm on the ground to retrieve a rabbit from a dog, and apparently another dog stepped on his firearm discharging it into the hunter's foot.

    Whose got the shock collar now Beeeyotch?

    ROTLMAO
     
  5. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    1-18-04]

    CO Tom Wanless, while enroute to his residence, stopped to assist a broken down snowmobiler on the side of the road. As CO Wanless attempted to flag down some other snowmobiles on the road, the operator of one of these machines accelerated and drove right by, narrowly missing the officer and proceeded down the road where he turned a corner. CO Wanless hopped into his patrol vehicle with intentions of trying to stop the snowmobile. When he rounded the corner, he found his subject, who had just crashed into a very sturdy mailbox. (The subject thought it was a stop sign.) The subject's first comments to the officer were to ask him not to arrest him for drunk driving again. The subject was highly intoxicated, had done prison time in the past for alcohol related driving offenses. He was arrested one more time.
     
  6. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    [1-25-04]
    (I'm in tears here after this one)
    COs Cherie Beckhorn, Chris Holmes, Dan Bigger, and Sgt. Sherry Chandler participated in an ORV group patrol on lakes in the Waterloo Recreation Area. During the patrol, COs Holmes and Bigger discovered two out-of-season bass when an angler was showing CO Holmes his new underwater video camera. The subject's fishing buddy was disposing of the bass down the hole at the same time. The action was very clear on the camera. COs Holmes and Bigger watched the dead bass slowly drift to the bottom of the lake.


    I wish I was there to see that one.
     
  7. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    [2-8-04]

    While patrolling St. Clair County, CO John Borkovich encountered two subjects road hunting. CO Borkovich reported that the subject had shot at animals on private property and had killed a rabbit and a brown chicken, which the suspects believed to be a grouse. CO Borkovich issued the subjects tickets for transporting a loaded and uncased firearm in a motor vehicle, as well as recreational trespassing.



    Here's your sign.
     
  8. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    [2-15-04]

    Sgt. Greg Drogowski found two subjects walking out of a conifer swamp with an AK-47 and SKS rifles, both with 30 round magazines. Neither subject had hunting licenses or any orange clothing on. Subjects claimed to be target shooting, but eventually admitted they were also "looking for rabbits". Subjects were issued tickets.


    Have I been underestimating the "underground rabbit insurgency" or is an AK and an SKS with 30 round clips a bit of overkill for a 3lb varmint?
     
  9. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    [2-15-04]

    CO Mark Ennett encountered a subject who was in the process of unloading an ORV with an expired license. CO Ennett advised the subject that the machine could not be operated until current licensing was acquired. The subject thanked CO Ennett for his concern and proceeded to unload his ORV and drive it out onto the ice, where he began to fish. CO Ennett again made contact with the subject who stated, "Well, I didn't think you'd come out after me." A ticket was issued for operating an unlicensed ORV.


    Your sign, sir.

    Also from the same page:

    CO Kris Kiel encountered a subject approximately a half-mile off shore fishing with four tip-ups and one fishing pole. CO Kiel asked the fisherman if he knew that he could only legally fish with two lines. The fisherman advised CO Kiel that he knew he could only fish with two lines, but didn't think anybody would come this far out to check him. CO Kiel issued the fisherman a ticket for fishing with too many lines.


    IDJIT!
     
  10. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    SERVES THE JERK RIGHT:

    3-7-04

    As CO Julia Grabowski approached and checked an angler fishing with three lines, he cut a line. Knowing the subject, CO Grabowski came back later and observed the subject again fishing with three lines for over an hour. When she approached a second time the subject went to dump his cheap rig in the hole and dumped his car keys in the hole as well. CO Grabowski attempted to grab the keys with a magnet that she had but as the subject admitted that he was fishing with too many lines, he also stated that his key ring was aluminum. CO Grabowski gave a verbal warning for fishing with too many lines and left the subject to find a ride home.
     
  11. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    3-28-04

    Wow... wow.

    CO Ivan Perez responded to a complaint of a deer shot behind a house. The complainant stated that his son found the freshly shot deer. CO Perez completed a thorough search of the scene and was able to reconstruct where the deer was standing when it was first hit. Further searching produced the mushroomed .20ga. slug about ten ft. behind where the deer was hit. With this evidence, it was determined the direction of the shot could only have come from the back of the complainant's house. CO Perez, with the father, examined the firearms at the house and found a single shot 20ga. shotgun that had been recently fired. An interview with the son produced a full confession to the shooting. A ticket was issued for taking a deer out-of-season.


    This week on "Law & Order-DNR: Stupid is as Stupid Does"....

    CO Linda Scheidler obtained a warrant for a convicted felon who was pictured in an outdoor magazine with his trophy buck which was shot with a firearm. The warrant was for a felon in possession of a firearm.
     
  12. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    4-25-04

    CO Tim Kochanny located a subject on a trout stream in Charlevoix County who was snagging trout. Upon seeing Officer Kochanny, the subject burned his line with a cigarette. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but the suspect fisherman burned his snag hook off over dry land. CO Kochanny found the illegal hook and ticketed the fisherman

    Genius!
     
  13. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    COs Terry Short and Reid Roeske contacted two subjects who were in possession of walleye an hour before walleye season opened. During the contact, one of the subjects stated that they were going by "Wisconsin time". The COs explained to the subject that they would have been two hours early if that were the case. Tickets were issued, and the walleye were seized.


    Greeeeeat. Now wisconsin is getting in on the action. Dang Bratwurst-eatin-cheeseheads--- at least Favre can do math!!! Geniuses.


    same week:

    CO Andrea Erratt ticketed three subjects fishing in the spawning closure area which was posted closed to fishing on the Lower Black River. One subject asked, "What difference does it make. Can fish read the sign?"

    ROTLMAO.... No fish cant read signs, but here's yours!

    SAME WEEK... (remind me to stay locked in my home that week of this year)

    CO Jason Haines was able to observe and take pictures of a large truck running through the marsh and on the exposed bottomlands of Saginaw Bay. The driver of the truck advised CO Haines that he was having a really bad day because earlier in the day he had been involved in a minor accident with his truck and now he was caught in a closed area with his truck. CO Haines issued him a ticket for operating in a closed area. Later, as CO Haines was leaving the area, he observed a subject standing on the shoulder of the road. When he stopped to talk with him, he recognized the truck in the ditch, and the subject was the driver to whom he had just issued the ticket. The driver of the truck had been reading the ticket and drove straight into the ditch.

    Just drink the Kool-aid already, einstein. You've set the precedent for most miserable week and that's the only thing left to do.
     
  14. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    Now remember folks... I am yanking maybe one story per 50 that I read off of each week. Go to the site and read the others for yourself... These are GREAT!

    5-23-04

    CO Rich Nickols checked an angler along the banks of Lake St. Clair who seemed to be having some luck catching fish. When CO Nickols asked the angler what he had caught, the angler replied, "rock bass". CO Nickols looked at the fish and noted that they were not "rock bass", but were rather small mouth bass. CO Nickols explained the difference in the species and further explained the season was closed to small mouth bass on these waters. The angler in his last attempt at evading a ticket tried to explain to CO Nickols that he had caught these three bass in a rocky area, so they must be rock bass. CO Nickols issued the subject a ticket for illegally possessing small mouth bass out of season.

    Well- the guy got caught at a moment when he was doing something dumb so by process of deduction he MUST be a fulltime idiot. With that explanation, I'd place my money on it!
     
  15. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    The fastest road to a ticket involves insulting their intelligence...

    6-6-04

    CO Carl Vanderwall ticketed four subjects operating ORVs on state land. One of the subjects failed to notify CO Vanderwall that he had a concealed pistol license (CPL) and was "carrying". CO Vanderwall ticketed the subject for failing to notify. The subject stated "I thought I only had to do that for real cops."

    OOPS! Same week:

    CO David Rodgers was ticketing a subject for a marine safety violation when he noticed the subject's wife acting very nervous and staring at her husband's face. CO Rodgers looked at the husband and noticed a marijuana cigarette behind the subject's ear. The subject also had two minor children in the boat as well as a baggie with two other marijuana cigarettes.

    It's that dang slowed reaction time that gets them... "Honey- why are you staring at me like you got the munchies and I am a full bag of Cheetos.... Are you high or something? Quit staring... We're gonna get away with the baggie in the...uh... oh crap, my ear!"?
     
  16. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    7-4-04

    I can barely type this... OH MY God! What a moron!

    CO Mark Leadman was preparing to conduct a marine patrol on Lake Independence when he was approached by a subject staying in the campground who demanded he be given a PBT. It appears he was supposed to have stopped by the State Police Post much earlier in the day for a court ordered breathalyzer test but did not go. CO Leadman checked with the State Police Post which confirmed the fellow's story so CO Leadman administered the test. The subject blew a .044 and then asked if CO Leadman would lie for him to the State Police. When CO Leadman said he would not, the subject bolted on foot through the campground. After a short foot pursuit, the subject was overtaken by CO Leadman and placed under arrest and lodged for the probation violation. Further checking showed that it was the fourth time this same subject had been arrested for the same violation.

    And yet, sadly, my home state is still allowed to swim in the gene pool!
     
  17. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    7-25-04

    Witch!!! With a capital "B"!!!

    CO Murray Cherry responded to a litter complaint of a large amount of litter, including file cabinets and household items that had been dumped on state land. CO Cherry made contact with a subject whose name was found in the trash and explained to her that her name and her ex-husband's name had been on paperwork from the file cabinets. She admitted to the dumping but asked the CO to write her ex-husband for the violation instead even though he had nothing to do with the incident. She was ticketed for the illegal dumping.


    Oh man.... And in other news, Stupidity reigns supreme, at any cost...

    CO Carla Soper responded to a complaint of a fox being held captive in a residence. A file check of the subject showed that he had an outstanding warrant for child support with a $10,000 bond. Manistee County Sheriff Department arrested the subject on the outstanding warrant. CO Soper and the subject's wife captured the fox named "Roxy," who had free reign of the house. Prior to contact with the fox, CO Soper put on gloves to handle the animal. The subject's wife advised CO Soper there was no need for gloves because the family was already through their seventh week of treatment for "mange". Roxy only had one treatment to go so there was probably no chance of getting anything. She also advised CO Soper that she really wanted to keep the animal since they had invested so much money in it, especially since they had to replace all the carpet in the home due to "mange." The fox had been taken from the wild this spring. The case has been referred to the Prosecutor
     
  18. sal_jr

    sal_jr New Member

    Messages:
    1,390
    State:
    Ithaca, MI
    8-15-04

    Yeah... it still continues.

    COs Dan Lee, Holly Hikade, Ben Lasher and Sgt. Ron Kimmerly worked the CARE Project on the Rifle River this weekend. A total of ten tickets were issued. Just before COs were ready to leave, they heard a very loud voice singing out of tune. COs decided they would work this next group floating down the river. COs hid along the river about ten feet away from a no-trespassing sign and observed three canoes pull up to shore right next to the sign, with one canoe containing a half keg of beer. One of the occupants got out and struck the no-trespass sign with an ore splitting it in half, sending the top portion flying through the air. The subject then stated, "There ain't no more no-trespass sign now." At this time COs stepped out of the weeds to arrest a very surprised subject. The subject was lodged in the Arenac County Jail for trespassing and malicious destruction of property (MDOP).

    Woo-HOOOO! There aint no idjit n'more!!!

    9-5-04



    COs Jason Niemi and Terry Short made contact with two female subjects operating ORVs on and off the roadway. The women had three small children with them on the ORVs. The kids were "attached" to the ORV storage racks with bungee cords. They commented that they were as good as seat belts. Helmets were not worn by any of the subjects. Tickets were issued, as well as a description of possible injuries.

    They ought to be hung with bungee cords.

    Here's another from 9-26-04

    CO Ryan Rademacher and Sgt Scott Wilk were working a small Newaygo County trout stream that was full of salmon. They came upon two subjects moving along the stream with a bow and a fishing arrow. One subject was shooting at fish while the other subject stood lookout. The COs moved in quietly while the bow shooter took several unsuccessful shots at the fish. Sgt. Wilk was able to walk up behind the lookout and ask him if he thought his partner was ever going to actually hit a fish. The startled lookout responded, "I doubt it, he's a lousy shot." The bow angler was then contacted by CO Rademacher and ticketed for bow fishing on a trout stream.