Keeping in Touch with the Ex-

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by KATMANDETTE, Sep 20, 2007.

  1. KATMANDETTE

    KATMANDETTE New Member

    Messages:
    105
    State:
    Cedar Key, Florida
    This could be an interesting topic, especially getting the male versus female opinions...

    Let's suppose you have broken up with a loved one, be it a divorce or simply breaking up. After a period of time for the INTENSE HATRED to disappear, do you think it would be more healthy to be friends with that person? After all, you do have a lot of common memories.....

    Thoughts please?

    Mik
     
  2. SUNDROP

    SUNDROP New Member

    Messages:
    395
    State:
    Washington
    I stayed friends after the "water settled" with my ex wife for almost 3 yrs. We kinda made the common mistake of, well let's say, "venturing back with someone "safe" and familiar" from time to time even when we were back in the dating scene and both of us actively dating.. I think it is safe to say in "most" instances it is best to stay away from each other. Live the rest of your lives on seperate tracks and avoid the awkwardness that can come from staying connected in any way. It clouds judgement and can make unnecessary stress on new blooming relationships because anyone new WILL NOT understand in any way why you are friends with an Ex and see it as still having deep feelings for them.
     

  3. Rastus

    Rastus Active Member

    Messages:
    158
    State:
    North Central, Missouri
    Depends on the situtation, if kids were involved then I would keep intouch to some degree. As long as I can't stand the person it wouldn't b benificial to either one of us to remain friends but civial to them, certainly.
     
  4. bootshowl

    bootshowl New Member

    Messages:
    2,288
    State:
    Indiana, J
    I think you should let yourself defuse the situation to the point that when your shot misses, you don't feel disappointed very much. You can always excuse the fact as she was in a moving vehicle, someone was in front of her, etc.
     
  5. Kat-tamer

    Kat-tamer New Member

    Messages:
    875
    State:
    Missouri
    Nope! Not gonna even be friends! After 2 tears of fighting trying to get a divorce, and another 3 after the divorce, I still can't even stand to see him. Luckily he barely spends any time with his children (maybe 2 days a month), so I don't have to deal with him very often. I do try to be civil. But if he don't start taking his son 50% of the time, we gonna fight some more cause I'm gonna go back to court to up his child support. He is supposed to have joint custody and have him 2 days a week and every-other weekend. That is what support was set on.
    Anyway, you got me started now. THANKS!!!:crazy:
    The man was only at his oldest sons wedding for an hour! And NO, he didn't spend a dime of his money on it. His new family is much more important than his own blood. But 2 of our kids are grown and have figured out what daddy is really like.

    There would be no friends here. I do know some people who make it work though. I know one lady that is best friends with her ex's wife. They hang out all the time. That would be wierd to me.:tounge_out:
     
  6. cattinfever999

    cattinfever999 New Member

    Messages:
    426
    State:
    KY
    My ex and I divorced when I was about 4 months pregnant with our 2nd child. It was a very difficult time. I refused to trash talk him in front of our daughter, but his side didn't do the same. After our son was born, he started coming around more, but by then I was seeing Vernon (vlparrish). He wanted to get back together, but I was ready to move on.

    The first year or two were a struggle between us, but we eventually worked things out. Last year he tried to convince our teenage daughter that it was better to live with him. It was a nightmare. I went through pure hell and it ended up costing me a fortune to fight. Our daughter finally came home and told me that it wasn't her idea in the first place and that she felt like she was being used to lower the child support and to take care of her ill step mother. I was so angry, but I still NEVER talked about their father in a bad way in front of them, even though he was talking about me and making the kids cry.

    I eventually forgave him again and just focused on the kids. He drops the kids off on Sunday and sometimes stays to talk to me or Vernon. I know that he's got it bad at home. I guess that's why he tried to take things out on me. There's been times when I would love to have strangled him, but he knows that I love him. Not like I love Vernon, but like a friend.

    So do I keep in touch with my ex? Yep. I asked Vernon last weekend to take him fishing. I knew that he needed to get away from his problems at home and I figure that we need to be friends for the kids sake and for ours too.
     
  7. 223reload

    223reload New Member

    Messages:
    10,798
    State:
    Oklahoma
    I parted on kissing terms with both my ex'es they both told me to kiss thier @$$
     
  8. river1214rat

    river1214rat New Member

    Messages:
    356
    State:
    West Point, KY
    I have 2 divorces under my belt, they didn't like to fish!!! The day my divorce from my 1st husband (the father of my kids) was final, we went out and ate lunch together. WE have remained friends, deciding to bury our differences for the kids. His mom and sister have also become closer to me than when I was married. On the other hand, the 2nd marriage was a freak of nature, do not want to see him, hear his name...actually could use him for bait. Depends on the situation and personality of the people involved.
     
  9. postbeetle

    postbeetle New Member

    Messages:
    6,598
    State:
    Iowa
    It never ends. It goes on for eternity. No distance is far enough to get away. In the small town closest to me, as in other areas the divorce rate is high. Here it is not possible to not see an Ex on a daily basis. If whatever it was was bad enough to break you up to begin with I can't imagine seeing each other on a "How do" basis every day. Just my personality I guess.
     
  10. kkyyoottee

    kkyyoottee New Member

    Messages:
    754
    State:
    Iowa
    I have a ex of after 20+ years of marriage 2 children 16 and 21. I have done everything in my power to try to remain civil to her. We live in a very small town and for my children's sake and for my sake of not lowering myself to her level I bit my tongue more than once. My daughter asked me one time shortly after the divorce why I stayed married to her mom for so long. She said to me Dad I saw how unhappy you have been for years. I told her that I made a promise to myself I would stick it out for as long as I could for her and her brother. That my happiness came second to theirs. She said but how could you just put your life on hold for all these years? I said its called a father's love. My promise to my daughter to stay close until she graduates is shortening each day. I know one day I will sit down and lower myself to what she has put me thru for the last 5 years. I will mail that letter as I leave town to start whats left of my life. But until that day comes I will be a good x husband.
     
  11. CatFishingFinatic

    CatFishingFinatic New Member

    Messages:
    198
    State:
    Iowa
    Marking this thread to post on later. I have to get to work. Work before play :sad2:
     
  12. Vonroc

    Vonroc New Member

    Messages:
    268
    State:
    Central Ohio
    Prefer not to, however we do shared parenting - 50/50. Have done so for the last 7 years. Do to that I must see her every other week when picking up the kids. Other than that contact on a have to basis only - kids hurt or sick. I guess it would be contact only because she is the mother to my children.
     
  13. Dano

    Dano New Member

    Messages:
    13,712
    State:
    Texas
    I've never been divorce. Some how we worked through our problems. sure wasnt easy at times but 26 years later, well worth it in the long run. Go figure.
     
  14. bwhupp

    bwhupp New Member

    Messages:
    1,680
    State:
    Belleville
    Simply put... no.

    Engaged for 5 or 6 years when the plug got pulled on me.. 2 months before the wedding. We went to college together and when we both were graduated into our jobs, we were oging to get married. Well... she cut ties and did everything she knew how to make me mad until I was forced to call it off. She was relived that I was the bad guy needless to say. Her little scapegoat with her family.

    Well, her family didn't buy it and still like me. Probably moreso th an their own daughter. She basically cut ties with them as well. Such is life I suppose! It's been almost 4 years and I have not spoken to her once since the last phone call that ended it all.
     
  15. CatFishingFinatic

    CatFishingFinatic New Member

    Messages:
    198
    State:
    Iowa
    I was married for 23 years and had an easy divorce. I wanted out, but he really didn't but he didn't fight it. We took our papers to the judge and was divorced on the spot. We had 3 boys, who were all of age except the youngest who was 17. I thought after being together for almost 25 years of our life we could remain friends and some what we have. We don't talk because I make that a point. Even though I have gone on with my life, I get the feeling if I allow him to keep in contact with me, it gives him hopes and something to hang on to even though I am happily remarried. The man I love with all my heart is uncomfortable with us remaining friends and I have learned to respect that, our happiness is more important. If I seen him on the street I wouldn't avoid him, I would say hi and ask him how he is doing. And be happy for his good fortune and sad for his mishaps then go on about my way, counting my blessings.
     
  16. anchorpuller

    anchorpuller New Member

    Messages:
    857
    State:
    North Caro
    I guess due to the extreme dysfunction of my family, I just have to respond to this post.

    Myself, have been and am married once. He is my best friend, confidant, lover and my biggest pain in my butt. He goes from the top of my most wanted list to the top of my "other" list in one heartbeat. Keeps my life interesting. Think I'll keep him.

    But... on the other hand....

    My parents. God knows I love them.

    They married each other at 16 or 17 years old. Stayed married until 1969 with one daughter (me) to show for it.
    They both remained civil with each other supposedly for my sake.
    They both remarried and stayed with thier spouses until both step-parents passed away within a few years of each other.

    This left my father alone, retired and comfortable.
    This left my mother alone, retired and comfortable.

    My father had a motorcycle accident three years ago that left him unable to stay alone for long periods of time. He is fairly self sufficient, but needs a "companion". He hired a lady to stay there, and it lasted for awhile.

    My mother found out he was paying this lady fairly decent. When the arrangement ended with her, my dear mother JUMPED on the chance to get paid to sit there and make sure he was ok, while she can #$tch at him at will. He must like it, she has been there going on two years now.

    There is no romance. She cares about him. He cares about her. She takes her time off. He loves her cooking.
    It's weird, but it's all good.

    Divorced for close to 40 years and fate has them putting up with each other yet again.:smile2:
     
  17. postbeetle

    postbeetle New Member

    Messages:
    6,598
    State:
    Iowa
    I thought I had some stories Laura. Now that is a story. John
     
  18. Esox Hunter

    Esox Hunter New Member

    Messages:
    691
    State:
    Birmingham U.K.
    I think the title of this post says it all!
     
  19. Dano

    Dano New Member

    Messages:
    13,712
    State:
    Texas
    I dont see nothing weird in this post.

    Seems to me there's more Values there than most can figure out.
     
  20. redneckdrum

    redneckdrum New Member

    Messages:
    623
    State:
    kansas
    Don't really have any advice on this one,however,that thing called HATRED will eat you up like cancer.