Is there such a thing as being "too close" to your kid

Discussion in 'LOCAL LOUISIANA TALK' started by da-cajun-angla, Oct 2, 2006.

  1. da-cajun-angla

    da-cajun-angla New Member

    Messages:
    221
    State:
    louisiana
    I Left At 2:20 A.m. To Go Deep Sea Fishing In The Gulf Of Mexico For Tuna, Wahoo, Amberjack, Swordfish, Etc...and It's The First Time I Went Fishing W/o My Kid For 3yrs. The Gulf Isn't A Place For Little Kids (especially On A 27' Center Console Boat With Twin 4 Stroke 250's!) Theres Too Much Sun, No Cover, And He's 6 And If Something Was To Happen, I Don't Think He Could Swim In Lightly Rough Waters. We Had A 32' Hydrasport W/ Twin 200's, A Cabin, With Shower, Bathroom, A/c, Kitchen, Bed's, Tuna Tower, But We Lost In From Katrina. I'd Maybe Take Him In A Boat Like That, But Not In Our New One. I Think It's Too Dangerous, Going 65 Plus M.p.h. And The Other Factors I Mentioned. Anyways I Haven't Been In The Gulf For So Long B/c If I Can't Take Him, I Dont Wanna Go..ya Know? I Bathe, Dress, Feed Him, And Take Him To School Every Morning. Pick Him Up From School, Then Take Him Back To Work With Me, We Do All His Homework, Then At 5, We Go Home Grab Fishin Gear And Drinks N Stuff, And Head Out To A Pond, Lake, Or River, Get Home For 8 Or 8:30, And Go To Bed. (oh, I Know Its My Fault, But Hes Been Sleeping In Our Bed Since He Was Born) So He Even Sleeps With Me. In The Last 10 Months No B.s., We've Been Fishing Atleast 200 Plus Times. We R Always Together. Anyways, The Whole Time Im Fishin', I Know Its Gay...lol...but I Felt Guilty...i Know I Shouldn't, But I Couldnt Help It...everything I Saw It Was, "jaden Would Love To See Or Do That, Or Jaden Would Trip Out If He Saw This", Well I Got Home At 10:00 Pm, He Was Sleeping, And My Fiancee Told Me That The Whole Day, He Was Drawing Fishin Pictures With Stuff On Them Like, "i Miss You Daddy", Or "i Love You Daddy". And I Didn't Even Tell Him I Was Goin Fishin, Cause It Would Have Killed Him, I Told Him I Was Going Work. My Fiancee Told Me We Are Both Ridiculous With All This Separation Anxiety-like Behavior. So Like 4 Or So In The Morning Last Night, I Guess He Woke Up And Realized I Was Home, And I Heard Him Say "daddy!!", And Put The Death Squeeze On Me And Wouldn't Let Go And Went Back To Sleep. This Was Only For 1 Day! The Question Is, Am I Spending Too Much Time With Him? I Agree With My Fiance, It Is A Bit Ridiculous, But Hes My Only Kid, And I Love Fishing With Him And Just Being Around Him. Hes A Great Kid, And Just Like Me (yes, Its A Good Thing...lol) I Think She's Just Jealous Anyways...lol...but, On A Serious Note... I Don't Know If Its Healthy For Him To Be So Sad When Im Not Around. What If I Have To Leave To Go Somewhere Or Something For Like A Week Or Something. I Don't Know...i Just Like Spending Time With Him.

    all U People Are Great! And I Really Appreciate All Your Kind Words, That All Of U Say To Me On A Regular Basis. This Is One Place I Feel At Home At! God Bless All Of You!
    shaun
     
  2. da-cajun-angla

    da-cajun-angla New Member

    Messages:
    221
    State:
    louisiana
    I,ve Noticed When I Post A Thread, It Stays Under The Category U Posted It In...like I Posted This In Local La Talk...but When I Click New Posts, I Dont See It...what Gives??
     

  3. Flatheadhunter33

    Flatheadhunter33 New Member

    Messages:
    3,764
    State:
    Yuma, Arizona
    Thanks for this post brother! I know exactly how you feel. I have two boys and a girl. Until my first son was born, I never even knew the kind of love I feel for them even existed. I'll tell ya, I can have the worse day at work ever! When I go home though, I get a smile on my face immeadiatly when they come running out to greet me and help me with my bags. My wife made a comment yesterday at breakfast that when I leave in a few months (for deployment), my youngest is going to miss me the most. After she said it, she realized that it was something I didnt even want to think about. I hate to be away from them for the 8-12 hours that I am at work. Imagining how it feels to be away for 6-12 months is more than I care to think about (it never gets any easier). So, to answer your question, NO. You cant be too close to your son. Love him and be with him as much as you can. Give him room to grow but, love him just the same.
     
  4. Ol Man

    Ol Man New Member

    Messages:
    3,170
    State:
    Illinois
    I commend you for loving your boy, but bottom line, you have to start "weaning" him one day or he'll not grow up to be self sufficient. I don't mean a drastic change, but it does you both good to be apart a little at a time. You could start with letting him sleep in his own bed. He'll learn to relate to others in school and other activities and not have to depend on "Dad" to make all his decisions...:smile2:
    ~~~~~~~~~~
    You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
     
  5. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    State:
    Missouri
    From a woman's point of view,you are not too close to your child.So what if he sleeps with you? I think thats beautiful.Yes he does need to be away from you at times thats life unfortuantly but always always stay close to each other.I have 2 teenage daughters and they know I want to be involved in every aspect of their lives,some will say"You just can't let go!"Ok so what,at least my kids will always know without a shred of a doubt that they were always extemely important to me.So I say love him enjoy him teach him to be a loving compassionate man.Trust your future daughter-in-law will love you for it!:big_smile:
     
  6. jim

    jim New Member

    Messages:
    2,579
    State:
    Jacksonville NC
    I along with a very devoted wife raised two boys successfully.One is a First Sgt in the Army the other a chief in the Coast Guard reserve after 11years active duty.It is a fine line to walk between being in their lives to much and not enough.They must be taught to be self sufficient,decent law abiding human beings.That requires constant monitoring not necessarily presence.If you have taught them right and made them do whats right no matter how painful you will be a powerful presence even when you are not there.I agree with Ol Man,get him back in his bed.Not questioning your motives there but its his space and he needs it.You and he should not be doing his homework.He should be doing it and you checking.You CAN"T solve every problem for him or any child .If you do they will be living with you when they are 50.You are totally dominating his time and putting a strain on both of you when you do something without him.He needs to understand there are adult things and that you have a life also.When he gets to be 13 and discovers that his peers are more important than his square parents as all teen agers do you are going to feel left out.That your fiance feels jealous is a bad sign that you are not giving her enough time and that will not sit well for the future.Ann Landers said in a column a long time ago "Love your children but understand they will grow up and assume lives of their own that dont include you for the most part.Your spouse has signed up til death do you part so priority goes to the spouse."Think that over and step back a little from your son.Give him and you some space otherwise you are going to be miserable.The time when you must get in their space is when the become exposed to drugs,sex etc etc.They wont want you in then but it doesn't matter.Many parents don't have the morale courage to do whats necessary,when its necessary.My two where so busy fishing,backpacking,boating camping,skiing playing baseball ,basketball,football and other things with their mother and I that they didn't have time to get in trouble.Plus they knew even when we werent there the price would be extremely high for any foolishness.Children thrive when they have rules and laws to live by and they are enforced.They grow just like flowers in the sun.What you don't want to do is smother them and protect them from life because they will never be able to be free and independent.Be close enough to provide some needed shade but not so close it becomes a permanent darkness.They don't come with an instruction book!!!!!:smile2:
     
  7. BIG GEORGE

    BIG GEORGE New Member

    Messages:
    10,362
    State:
    JOISY
    At some point in time ya gotta cut the apron strings and let the little fella become his own person. Ya never will stop lovein him and ya gotta give em direction along with a set of values, agood work ethic and every thing else that goes along with developeing a decent human bein. Ya can't be his buddy as well as his father. There is a line.
     
  8. Angelkitty

    Angelkitty New Member

    Messages:
    1,670
    State:
    Sheridan, Ar
    It's a hard suitision. I know from first hand how you feel. My son is also 6 yrs old. And he also has slept between me and his dad since birth. Up until Nov. 2004. Make a long story short. When I had my own house he still slept with me and of course slept with his dad at his dads house.
    Well, When Newton and I started planning the wedding back in April of this year. The hardest thing was to make him sleep in his own bed. It was the hardest thing that my son and I had to go through. He wanted to sleep by me. And of course I wanted to be by him. We went through, I need something to drink, his belly hurt, scared of the dark and so fourth. I felt like a bad mother. But, I talked with him. And let him Know that he is a big boy and big boys sleep in thier own beds. It took us 3 months to get him use to sleeping by himself. But I am glad I did it. Cause now when I tell him it is time to go to bed. He goes by himself and of course I tuck him in. And I let him know how much I love him. And he tells me how much he loves me. Then I turn off the light and he goes to sleep.
    My son, Rickey and I are close. He is not my only child but, he is my baby. My last one and he is the spoilest. My other three are teens and one is grown. And they tell me I am gonna regret it later in life if i don't stop baby him. I thought they were jealous. But they made me see that he needs to grow up. My kids are my HEROs. They make me see things from thier points of veiw cause without them I wouldn't be the mom that I am today.
     
  9. MikeYoungs

    MikeYoungs New Member

    Messages:
    20
    State:
    La.
    Keep doing what your doing brother. I've raised 7 kids, and I wish I would have spent more time with them. Time just flies by. Think about this, He's six years old now, you only have about nine or ten years left with him before he discovers and spends all of his time with girls. At that point it ain't cool to hang out with Dad so much. So spend as much time as you can with him now, and enjoy every moment, cause he won't be a kid much longer. It sounds like your doing an excellent job raising him. I commend you.
     
  10. CrawDaddy

    CrawDaddy New Member

    Messages:
    379
    State:
    Texas
    I can't wait until my boy is old enough to take fishing. He is only 2 now and doesn't really care for fishing yet. It'll only be a matter of time though!!
    And as far as them sleeping with you, I have read many studies talk about how that is not healthy for a childs development.