Interesting Tidbits

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by Tellico00, Sep 9, 2005.

  1. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    (1) Zero Gravity
    When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

    The Russians used a pencil.

    (2) Our Constitution
    "They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years and hell, we're not using it anymore."

    (3) Ten Commandments
    The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse is that you cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment
     
  2. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    TWO WOODPECKERS



    A Hawaiian woodpecker and a Californian woodpecker were arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Hawaii woodpecker said Hawaii had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The California woodpecker accepted his challenge, and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Hawaiian woodpecker was in awe.



    The California woodpecker then challenged the Hawaiian woodpecker to peck a tree in California that was absolutely unpeckable. The Hawaii woodpecker expressed confidence he could do it, so accepted the challenge. After flying to California, the Hawaii woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.



    So the two woodpeckers were now confused. How is it that the Californian woodpecker was able to peck the Hawaiian tree and the Hawaiian woodpecker was able to peck the Californian tree, but neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?



    After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the same conclusion... Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home. :confused: :D :confused:
     

  3. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    My sister in law relayed a conversation she had with a contractor:

    Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
    expensive double pane energy efficient kind, but this week, I got a call from
    the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the work had
    been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them. Hellloooo?

    Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
    So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year.
    ....namely, that in the ONE YEAR these windows would pay for
    themselves! Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.) There was
    only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....
    He didn't call back. Guess I won that stupid argument

    What more could you say???? :confused: :D
     
  4. TOPS

    TOPS New Member

    Messages:
    4,099
    State:
    Cabot,Arkansas
    Tell, very good post about the windows I will have to remember that.
     
  5. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend,

    Mr. Common Sense.




    Mr.Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons such as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn't always fair. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge).


    His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place -


    Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate.


    Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch.


    And a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.


    Mr. Sense declined even further - When schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.




    Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live...

    As the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.


    Common Sense finally gave up the ghost - After a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, she spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement.


    Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.

    He is survived by two stepbrothers;

    My Rights and Ima Whiner.



    Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
     
  6. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity about our government and it's policies, we should remember
    England's Prime Minister, Tony Blair's words to his own people.

    During a recent interview, Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain was asked by one of his Parliament members as to why he believes so much in America. And does he think America is on the right track?

    Blair's reply - " A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at how many want in - and how many want out."
     
  7. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    Keith

    I just spend to much time on the net reading, so no one place to look. Sorry

    A lot of what I find is not worth passing on :D
     
  8. FishMan

    FishMan New Member

    Messages:
    2,293
    State:
    Tennessee
    more more I need more Please
     
  9. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    A boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist

    complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his fish

    and asked how long it took him to catch them.



    "Not very long," answered the Mexican.



    "But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked

    the American.



    The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to

    meet his needs and those of his family.



    The American asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your

    time?"



    "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a

    siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to

    see my friends, play the guitar, and sing a few songs...

    I have a full life."



    The American interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard, and I can

    help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You

    can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue,

    you can buy a bigger boat."



    "And after that?" asked the Mexican.



    "With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a

    second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire

    fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle

    man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants

    and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this

    little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New

    York City! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."



    "How long would that take?" asked the Mexican.



    "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American.



    "And after that?"



    "Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really

    interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your

    business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make

    millions!"



    "Millions? Really? And after that?" said the Mexican.



    "After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village

    near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few

    fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings

    doing what you like and enjoying your friends."



    And the moral is:

    Know where you're going in life...

    you may already be there.
     
  10. JERMSQUIRM

    JERMSQUIRM New Member

    Messages:
    13,145
    State:
    il-waynesv
    theres a lot of truth to that first post. sometimes we are just plain :rolleyes:
     
  11. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    1. Budweiser beer conditions the hair
    2. Pam cooking spray will dry finger nail polish
    3. Cool whip will condition your hair in 15 minutes
    4. Mayonnaise will KILL LICE, it will also condition your hair
    5. Elmer's Glue - paint on your face, ! allow it to dry, peel off and see the dead skin and blackheads if any

    6. Shiny Hair - use brewed Lipton Tea
    7. Sunburn - empty a large jar of Nestea into your bath water
    8. Minor burn - Colgate or Crest toothpaste
    9. Burn your tongue? Put sugar on it!
    10. Arthritis? WD-40 Spray and rub in, kill insect stings too

    11. Bee stings - meat tenderizer
    12. Chigger bite - Preparation H
    13. Puffy eyes - Preparation H
    14. Paper cut - crazy glue or chap stick (glue is used instead of sutures at most hospitals)
    15. Stinky feet - Jello!

    16. Athletes feet - cornstarch
    17. Fungus on toenails or fingernails - Vicks vapor rub
    18. Kool aid to clean dishwasher pipes. Just put in the detergent section and run a cycle, it will also clean a toilet. (Wow, and we drink this stuff)
    19. Kool Aid can be used as a dye in paint also Kool Aid in Dannon plain yogur! t as a f inger paint, your kids will love it and it won't hurt them if they eat it!
    20. Peanut butter - will get scratches out of CD's! Wipe off with a coffee filter paper

    21. Sticking bicycle chain - Pam no-stick cooking spray
    22. Pam will also remove paint, and grease from your hands! Keep a can in your garage for your hubby
    23.! < U> Peanut butter will remove ink from the face of dolls
    24. When the doll clothes are hard to put on, sprinkle with corn starch and watch them slide on
    25. Heavy dandruff - pour on the vinegar!

    26. Body paint - Crisco mixed with food coloring. Heat the Crisco in the microwave, pour in to an empty film container and mix with the food color of your choice!


    27 Tie Dye T-shirt - mix a solution of Kool Aid in a container, tie a rubber band around a section of the T-shirt and soak
    28. Preserving a newspaper clipping - large bottle of club soda and cup of milk of magnesia, soak for 20 min. and let dry, will last for many years!
    29. A Slinky will hold toast and CD's!
    30. To keep goggles and glasses from fogging, coat with Colgate toothpaste

    31. Wine stains, pour! on the< /SPAN> Morton salt and watch it absorb into the salt.
    32. To remove wax - Take a paper towel and iron it over the wax stain, it will absorb into the towel.
    33. Remove labels off glassware etc. rub with Peanut butter!
    34. Baked on food - fill container with water, get a Bounce paper softener and the static from the Bounce towel will cause the baked on food to adhere to it. Soak overnight. Also; you can use 2 Efferdent tablets, soak overnight!
    35. Crayon on the wall - Colgate toothpaste and brush it!

    36. Dirty grout - Listerine
    37. Stains on clothes - Colgate
    38. Grass stains - Karo Syrup
    39. Grease Stains - Coca Cola, it will also remove grease stains from the driveway overnight. We know it will take corrosion from car batteries!
    40. Fleas in your carpet? 20 Mule Team Borax- sprinkle and let stand for 24 hours. Maybe this will work if you get them back again.



    41. To keep FRESH FLOWERS longer Add a little Clorox, or 2 Bayer aspirin, or just use 7-up instead of water.
    42. When you go to buy bread in the grocery store, have you ever wondered which is the freshest, so you "squeeze" for freshness or softness? Did you know that bread is delivered fresh to the stores five days a week? Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Each day has a different color twist tie. They are: Monday = Blue, Tuesday = Green, Thursday = Red Friday = White and Saturday = Yellow. So if today was Thursday, you would want red twist tie; not white which is Fridays (almost a week old)! The colors go alphabetically by color Blue- Green - Red - White - Yellow , Monday through Saturday. Very easy to remember. I thought this was interesting. I looked in the grocery store and the bread wrappers DO have different twist ties, and even the ones with the plastic clips have different colors. You learn something new everyday! Enjoy fresh bread when you buy bread with the right color on the day you are shopping.
     
  12. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium". Governmentium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These 311 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

    Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one reaction to take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take less than a second Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the Assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

    In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass". When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element which radiates just as much energy, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons. :D
     
  13. vlparrish

    vlparrish New Member

    Messages:
    1,276
    State:
    Bedford, Kentucky
    Great stuff. Vern
     
  14. astutzman

    astutzman New Member

    Messages:
    243
    State:
    Collinsville, IL
    I'm posting that "governmentium" post at work. Good stuff. Keep it coming tell
     
  15. oldprowler

    oldprowler New Member

    Messages:
    321
    State:
    Mannford, Oklahoma
    Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to
    mom's and dad's for the night.

    In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast.

    As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No".


    Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what
    you think! Just go to school."


    Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"
    She replies, "No."


    Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" His mom replies, "Never mind what
    you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

    After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?" His mom says, "No."


    Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
    His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"


    He says, "Well, last night Fred came in for the Vaseline and I think I gave
    him my airplane glue."
     
  16. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    An oldie that may be worth rereading??

    The Little Red Hen

    Once upon a time, on a farm in Indiana, there was a little red hen who scratched about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat.
    She called all of her neighbors together and said, "If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat.

    Who will help me plant it?"
    "Not I," said the cow.
    "Not I," said the duck.
    "Not I," said the pig.
    "Not I," said the goose.

    "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. And so she did; The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain.

    "Who will help me reap my wheat?" asked the little red hen.
    "Not I," said the duck.
    "Out of my classification," said the pig.
    "I'd lose my seniority," said the cow.
    "I'd lose my unemployment compensation," said the goose.

    "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen, and so she did.
    At last it came time to bake the bread.

    "Who will help me bake the bread?" asked the little red hen.
    "That would be overtime for me," said the cow.
    "I'd lose my welfare benefits," saidthe duck.
    "I'm a dropout and never learned how," said the pig.
    "If I'm to be the only helper, that's discrimination," said the goose.

    "Then I will do it by myself," said the little red hen. She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see. They wanted some and, in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, "No, I shall eat all five loaves."


    "Excess profits!" cried the cow.
    "Capitalist leech!" screamed the duck.
    "I demand equal rights!" yelled the goose.
    The pig just grunted in disdain.
    And they all painted "Unfair!" picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

    Then a government agent came, he said to the little red hen, "You must not be so greedy."
    "But I earned the bread," said the little red hen.
    "Exactly," said the agent. "That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide he fruits of their labor with those who are lazy and idle."

    And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, "I am grateful, for now I truly understand."

    But her neighbors became quite disappointed in her. She never again baked bread because she joined the "party" and got her bread free. And all the Liberals smiled. 'Fairness' had been established. Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared..... as long as there was free bread that "the rich" were paying for.

    Bill Clinton is getting $12 million for his memoirs.
    Hillary got $8 million for hers.


    That's $20 million for memories from two people, who for eight years, repeatedly testified, under oath, that they couldn't remember anything.

    IS THIS A GREAT COUNTRY, OR WHAT?
     
  17. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    In the beginning there was a plan. Then came the assumptions. The plan was without substance; the assumptions were without form. Darkness was upon the face of the workers.

    And they spoke amongst themselves saying, "It is a crock of sh*t and it stinketh!"



    And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof!"



    And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying, "It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, Such that none may abide by it!"



    And the Managers went unto the Management Committee saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer and none may abide its strength!"



    And the Management Committee spoke amongst itself saying unto one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong!"



    And the Management Committee gave counsel unto the Vice Presidents saying unto them, "It promotes growth and it is very powerful!"



    And the Vice Presidents went unto the President saying unto him, "This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with powerful effects!"



    And the President looked upon the plan and saw that it was good. And so the plan became policy.



    And that's how sh*t happens.
     
  18. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup.

    So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motorhome!

    I've won a motorhome!"

    The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?"

    But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motorhome! I've won a motorhome!"

    Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken.
    You couldn't have possibly won a motorhome because we didn't have that as a prize.

    The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motorhome!"

    And she hands the ticket to the manager and HE reads...







    "W I N A B A G E L"
     
  19. oldprowler

    oldprowler New Member

    Messages:
    321
    State:
    Mannford, Oklahoma
    There was a little old lady, who every morning. stepped onto her front
    porch, raised her arms to the sky, and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD!"

    One day an atheist moved into the house next door. He became irritated
    at the little old lady.

    Every morning he'd step onto his front porch after her and yell: "THERE
    IS NO LORD!"

    Time passed with the two of them carrying on this way every day.

    One morning, in the middle of winter, the little old lady stepped onto
    her front porch and shouted: "PRAISE THE LORD! Please Lord, I have no
    food and I am starving, provide for me, oh Lord!

    The next morning she stepped onto her porch and there were two huge
    bags of groceries sitting there.

    "PRAISE THE LORD!" she cried out. "HE HAS PROVIDED GROCERIES FOR ME!"

    The atheist neighbor jumped out of the hedges and shouted: "THERE IS NO
    LORD. I BOUGHT THOSE GROCERIES!!"

    The little old lady threw her arms into the air and shouted: "PRAISE
    THE LORD! HE HAS PROVIDED ME WITH GROCERIES AND MADE THE DEVIL PAY FOR THEM!
     
  20. Tellico00

    Tellico00 New Member

    Messages:
    378
    State:
    Collierville, T
    Donald Rumsfeld is giving the President his daily briefing on Iraq.

    He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

    "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

    His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

    Finally, President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?" :D