If you get a check...

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by flathead willie, Nov 12, 2009.

  1. flathead willie

    flathead willie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,241
    State:
    Virginia
    Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive an Economic
    Stimulus payment. This is a very exciting program. I'll explain it
    using the Q and A format:

    Q. What is an Economic Stimulus payment?

    A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

    Q. Where will the government get this money?

    A. From taxpayers..

    Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?

    A. Only a smidgen.

    Q. What is the purpose of this payment?

    A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition
    TV s thus stimulating the economy.

    Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of Asia ?

    A. Shut up or you don't get your check.


    Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
    spending your stimulus check wisely:

    1. If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, your money will go to
    China ..

    2. If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to Saudi Arabia .

    3. If you purchase a computer, it will go to India .

    4. If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico ,
    Honduras and Guatemala .

    5. If you buy a car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

    6. If you purchase useless plastic stuff, it will go to Taiwan ..

    7. If you pay off your credit cards, or buy stock, it will go to pay
    management bonuses and be hidden in offshore accounts.

    Instead, you can keep the money in America by:

    1. spending it at yard sales or flea markets, or

    2. going to baseball or football games, or

    3. hiring prostitutes, or

    4. buying cheap beer or

    5. getting tattoos.

    These are the only wholly-American-owned businesses still operating in
    the US .

    Conclusion:

    The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a
    prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until
    you're drunk enough to go get tattooed.
    :wink::smile2:
     
  2. 223reload

    223reload New Member

    Messages:
    10,798
    State:
    Oklahoma
    Billie,thats about right. We got a tax refund a few yrs back,from the state only to get kicked in the teeth the next yr,We had to pay taxes on it?? I never imagined we'ed be taxxed on taxes.:angry:
     

  3. flatheadslayer

    flatheadslayer New Member

    Messages:
    5,834
    State:
    Thomaston, Geor
    thanx,i know how i'll spend mine now.:big_smile:
     
  4. BubbaCat

    BubbaCat Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,869
    State:
    Arizona
    :crazy::crazy: i,ll just get drunk enough to think i got a tattoo and bought a prostitute at a yard sell, on my way to a ball game.:wink::big_smile:
     
  5. plainsman

    plainsman New Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    7,187
    State:
    minnesota
    Sounds like a good suggestion to me. I like all that stuff, but I'll skip the ball game, and pay attention to the hooker.
     
  6. mintaka

    mintaka Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,471
    State:
    Charlotte , N.C
    They even tax the taxes they take.......it's all some kind of sadistic game they play.:angry:
     
  7. jeremiad

    jeremiad Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    2,207
    Name:
    Unspecified
    LOL, FW! :smile2:

    C'mon though, I noticed that you didn't mention spending some cold, hard cash to sit in on a all-American, down home and gritty BLUES concert starring Flathead the Axemaster himself!

    Now that would stimulate the economy right there, wouldn't it? :wink:
     
  8. SouthGADan

    SouthGADan New Member

    Messages:
    415
    State:
    Lyons, GA
    Reps for that one, that's a goodun. :smile2:
    That reminds me of that old song the Beatles did, "The Tax Man". :smile2:
     
  9. rrssmith

    rrssmith New Member

    Messages:
    3,059
    State:
    Bakersfield
    so what you are telling me Willie, is that I have been helping the economy all this time:tounge_out:
     
  10. Boomer

    Boomer New Member

    Messages:
    1,037
    State:
    Oklahoma


    I think to stimulate the economy we should do away with Federal taxes for about 5 years....think about it, we gave the Fat cats on wall street Billions, and now they are wanting more..... Lets put it to where it will do the most good, in our pockets.... If they had given that money to the US citizen it would be a differnt ball game right now.....I dont think 200 dollars is going to stimulate me into buying anything....

    Look Bill I got that 200 dollar stimulus check, I think I am going to run down and buy me that Yacht I have always been wanting.....

    Time to clean house in the US Government....Vote for the other guy next time....
     
  11. catfisherman369

    catfisherman369 Floyd

    Messages:
    4,944
    State:
    Nashville Il.
    The best way to stimulate the economy is to go to a ball game with a
    prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day until
    you're drunk enough to go get tattooed.

    Lmao ..... Thats some great ideas .

    Heres an idea to keep the dollars here and get a great deal to have something to show for the cash . Just order up some monster rod holders from Steve .
     
  12. flathead willie

    flathead willie Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    3,241
    State:
    Virginia
    Yea, that would work. Or you can pre-order the LIVE CD we just recorded. We had Catawba Studios record a two night gig at Mulligan's the first weekend in November. We are sorting through the 70 tunes we did to decide what to put on the CD. It should be ready pretty soon. Until then, some of it is on Youtube.
     
  13. Phoneman53

    Phoneman53 New Member

    Messages:
    189
    State:
    Olivet, Kansas,
    And guess what.....we get to give it back next April,,,because they (IRS) forgot to figure it in the new tax table.....:angry:
     
  14. carolinakid76

    carolinakid76 New Member

    Messages:
    609
    State:
    oklahoma
    its time for blue collar folks,to take a vacation to washinton dc. and raise some hell:angry:
     
  15. drpepper

    drpepper New Member

    Messages:
    6,133
    State:
    Indiana
    Really we get a SC? didn't know that. cooool- I'll use it on property tax.