I had that feeling...

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by Redd, Aug 15, 2007.

  1. Redd

    Redd New Member

    Messages:
    790
    State:
    Southeast Kansas
    I felt that feeling...the feeling a man gets when he hasn't had enough...that feely feeling, of feeling unsatisfied. Yes, I had that feeling...and I also had the solution. Cheese burgers. But when I saw the slices of cheese had previously melted, reuniting with each other as 'one' from the last hot batch, I should've taken it as a sign. When I saw I was out of condiments, I should've turned away. And when the grill burst into flames as it was lit, I should've known it was symbolic of all my hopes and dreams. But what could I do? I had that 'feeling'.

    "This is movie quality," is all I could say as I emotionlessly stared at the remains on the grill. They were clumpy, burnt, and pink in the middle...(could see the pink 'cause they fell apart.) But, I trudged on trying to salvage what was left of my burgers...and my dignity. So, I turned the heat down to low and with only two more major break-offs from the main pieces, they were deemed done. Of course they weren't even the size of a kiddie meal burger at sonic, but that's beside the point. Food is food...so long as it's edible. This I wasn't so sure of, but was willing to try it anyway. Reluctantly, I slapped all the big pieces on my plate (big meaning the size of a quarter and up). And turned off the grill. The next thing that happened was either a miracle from god or a punishment. Of which, I'm not positively certain... My burgers miraculously slipped off the plate to the ground...(I say ‘miraculously’ because there wasn't any grease left in ‘em, to cause the slide.)

    So anyway, once again: “This is movie quality,” with the same emotionless expression. Knowing full well that I had been beaten, I lost all taste for “battle,“ and went back inside to eat the four pieces of toast I was intending to use as buns. Undeserving of butter or jelly, I punished myself by eating them plain. But apparently that wasn’t enough… Getting myself situated at the computer, as I ate a piece, I heard my dog making a racket to my right. I abruptly turned to see what she was doin’ and turned my head back around just in time to watch my toast land on the floor. “This is movie quality…”, and finally, I cracked. I laughed that certain laugh... revealing to myself my temporary insanity. But what could you expect? I still had that feeling…

    I do have to say, however, all ended well. I was brilliantly informed by a highly intelligent source of the only man’s tool of the kitchen…you guessed it: The microwave, to cook my burgers. And now, with this shame I've brought upon myself, I've found a new and greater respect for those willing and able to cook a decent meal. And for those that have/will for me...I'm eternally greatful, and I thank you...

    -Red
     
  2. Dano

    Dano New Member

    Messages:
    13,712
    State:
    Texas
    The movie has been made and showing at a theater near you. "Simpsons movie" .:smile2:
    I will be the one to not see it and read about it. LMAO.
    I suggest going to the matinee, its cheaper. The popcorn is not grilled but if you get butter, it could slide or cause a grease stain on your shirt, the cokes are cold and the ac is always good this time of year. :cool2:
     

  3. Pennsylvaniacatchaser

    Pennsylvaniacatchaser Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    11,359
    State:
    Sarver, Pa
    LOL Red! Now that is funny! :smile2:
     
  4. Kat-tamer

    Kat-tamer New Member

    Messages:
    875
    State:
    Missouri
    All I got to say is "Hardee's Thickburger" :smile2:
     
  5. bootshowl

    bootshowl New Member

    Messages:
    2,288
    State:
    Indiana, J
    Red, man ya got to be king of the grill for survival purposes. It's like learning ta shave man. Takes awhile to get the sideburns even. When I was young and had few scars, I swore I wouldn't marry any girl that couldn't make biscuts....but then I figured out; hell I could make biscuts. And I could make gravy too. But I couldn't do.....well ya can fill in the blanks. But the grill is where we make pay back. So here are the grill secrets.

    Toss the charcoil, go gas man, gas. by the time ya get the coals hot, she's not. Use lava rock on the edge of the burner, to smoke in the flavours.

    Use a cooking spray labeled, grilling, on your cooking surface.
    Preheat the unit, fore ya start.

    Your portions should look larger than you'd like...not thick, larger.

    Steaks an chops get a meat tenderizer, burgers get a cajun rub, as do ribs.

    Use a watch clock timer something besides, "That looks good." 5 min. a side to start, then keep turning, just ahead of the juices. A good well done ribeye on med/high heat only takes 10-12 minutes.

    If your gonna use Q sause, put it on the last few minutes after the chicken or ribs are done. Ribs turn out better if ya put a boil on em in hot water first.

    Burgers, put the cheese on a minute before your going in with em.

    This is grilling 101...hope it helps. Be not afraid. Be the Master of the patio.
     
  6. kat in the hat

    kat in the hat New Member

    Messages:
    4,875
    State:
    Missouri
    Ya see, I was gonna say the opposite Boots. Every time I see someone grill burgers on a gas grill, a large flame ensues. Maybe there's a secret to it that many don't know of. With charcoal, you close the lid, adjust the damper, and the flames go out. I've been thinking of getting a gas grill because I get sick of buying charcoal everytime I wanna grill. If anybody has a tip to keep burgers especially from bursting into flames on a gas grill, please clue me in.:confused2:
     
  7. bootshowl

    bootshowl New Member

    Messages:
    2,288
    State:
    Indiana, J
    Takes two beers, one for you, and one for the burgers. Pour lil beer on em, turn the fire down just a tad and drop the hood. The alcohol evaps, so they're safe for kids or the pastor. You can also have a small plant mister with potable water...but then ya lost an excuse for the beer. LOL Justin Wilson swore by wine, it's fine, "I guaroonteee!"
     
  8. postbeetle

    postbeetle New Member

    Messages:
    6,598
    State:
    Iowa
    A goodun Redd. I know the feeling. Nothing ever turns out right for me either. That's why God invented ovens and stoves. I just can't stand turning wonderful meat into the consistency of the charcoal it's cooking over. I guess I would not have made a good caveman.
     
  9. baitchunker

    baitchunker New Member

    Messages:
    1,689
    State:
    alabama
    redd

    my heart is bleedin' for ya bro. dont feel too bad, my first shot at the grill left something to be desired also... mainly food.
     
  10. bluejay

    bluejay Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    8,503
    State:
    Napoleon, Mo.
    Whay?? I'm not pourin my beer on burgers. LOL Those are for me. I time my cookin by how many beers it takes. I have been known to use a mister bottle though.
     
  11. cattinfever999

    cattinfever999 New Member

    Messages:
    426
    State:
    KY
    Red, put your shoulders up next to the computer. There, I just hugged you. Feel better? Seemed like you could use a big hug.

    I understand. been there. I've fixed a big supper and filled everyone's plate and had enough for mine, then BAM it slips out of my hands and the dog and I are playing tug of war. I don't know why though. I don't want to eat it, but the thought of someone or something being able to enjoy my last piece of dignity, i mean meal, drives me insane. Then I'm reduced to popping a pot pie in the microwave as my family and the dog enjoy my hard work. Sometimes ya gotta laugh that special laugh, that "movie quality" insanity laugh. Keep laughing,Red.:smile2: