I Found The Perfect Woman, HELP!

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by flaboy, Jan 23, 2008.

  1. flaboy

    flaboy New Member

    Messages:
    616
    State:
    Wedgefield, SC
    just the other day I was strollin thru wally world and I saw a NICE lookin woman justa standing there in the ladieswear dept.
    I meandered by hopin to catch her eye and to get a closer look.
    she seemed to be ignoring me so I used my head and used the famous pickup line "whatssup?" I asked.
    she didn't bat a eye,
    I looked over to see what in tarnation could be more interestin than a intelligent conversation with me.
    she seemed mesmerized with some movie stars line of sweaters.
    I tried again, "wanna stroll over and get us a icee at tha snack bar?" I asked
    she had a faint smile on her face so I took that as a maby yes,
    "Here let take your hand" I said boldly. Ya know, iff a woman don't say no she must mean yes, and this lady had Not said NO.
    well as I took her hand I noticed it was cold and hard. she seemed kinda stiff, almost stuckup, But she didn't say NO!
    I gave her a little tug and of all the things to happen, she lost her balance, fell down and made a terrible crash and there I stood. holdin her hand as it had fell off, she just came to pieces before my eyes! I tried to help her up and put her back together but security came, grabbed me and called the police. Now Here I set, with just one phone call! Help! KITH, Dano, Cheryl, somebody! I knew it was startin to be a bad day when I put my britches on insideout. :confused2:
     
  2. CNTRYBOY

    CNTRYBOY New Member

    Messages:
    1,573
    State:
    Benton, Ar
    LMAO! That was funny! She was almost perfect. Hold on, what am i saying? Is there such a thing?:big_smile::wink::tounge_out:

    Kinda figures the perfect woman was a dummy! LOL
     

  3. Dreadnaught

    Dreadnaught New Member

    Messages:
    5,444
    State:
    Henderson,Ky
    YEP, PERFECT ALLRIGHT, LOL!!!
    Silent, Pretty and doesn't say NO, LOL!!!!
     
  4. Cheryl

    Cheryl Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    5,010
    State:
    TN
    Might have known it was an 'Ain't Right' joke.............:smile2:

    And then there were 4 :crazy:'s
     
  5. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    State:
    Missouri
    funny! Thanks for making me smile cause I love to smile!:big_smile:
     
  6. kat in the hat

    kat in the hat New Member

    Messages:
    4,875
    State:
    Missouri
    Soooo...You finally found one that would stand still long enough for you to touch, and you still screwed it up lol. Only you could balm a date with a maniquin. Try a more gentle approach next time. Might have better luck.:wink:
     
  7. Catgirl

    Catgirl New Member

    Messages:
    13,546
    Lionel, I must say that I enjoyed this particular post a WHOLE lot more than the one you made on the "Women We Admire" thread. Maybe you just get along better with plastic people, at least the ones of the female variety :wink:. Very humorous, thanks for the laughs!
     
  8. CATFISHING1

    CATFISHING1 New Member

    Messages:
    272
    State:
    MO.
    lol didnt know they had them type in wally world!
     
  9. Dano

    Dano New Member

    Messages:
    13,712
    State:
    Texas
    Wake up. It's 2008. . Those aint ordinary women. They have been around for a long time dealing with the public. They know what their doing but do run down now and then. Next time look for the battery compartment . Usually on back side of neck. When replacing, use the energizer. They keep going and going. What ever you do, dont touch the foot. That is when they start talking, Mostly singing the same song over and over again .
    If I was you, I would go to the sporting goods department . The talking bass wont come apart on you.:smile2:
     
  10. jim

    jim New Member

    Messages:
    2,579
    State:
    Jacksonville NC
    Lionel,MY GIRLFRIEND works at Walmart and came home the other night without her hand :eek:oooh::tounge_out::angry:.I am tired of you OTR Lotharios always thinking you can just stroll in off the road and hit on the local gals.:smile2:If you are man enough,and can take time off from molesting the local Walmart employees,be in the Manning SC,Walmart parking lot at dawn tomorrow.Bring your pistol!!!!And an assistant to haul your body away :smile2:
     
  11. Ol Man

    Ol Man New Member

    Messages:
    3,170
    State:
    Illinois
    That reminds me of a time my son and family came for a 2 week visit. When it was time for them to leave, I told my son that when he got back home, he should take his wife to a podiatrist because whenever her feet hit the floor her jaw started flappin' and didn't quit till they were off the floor...:smile2::smile2:
     
  12. Gordhawk

    Gordhawk New Member

    Messages:
    1,378
    State:
    Iowa
    Sounds to me like you might have been on the road too long.
     
  13. john catfish young

    john catfish young New Member

    Messages:
    3,070
    State:
    Kentucky
    That was a good one. Thanks for sharing. By the way ...anytime you think you have found the perfect woman...you better run very fast in the other direction son....LOL..Just kinding ladies..:eek:oooh:
     
  14. Scott Daw

    Scott Daw New Member

    Messages:
    2,002
    State:
    Allentown, Pennsylvania
    You should have learned from tom hanks that dating a dummy doesnt work. Dolls, now thats a different story best left for a different website. Atleast she wouldnt have talked back or down to you, nagged you and asked you if your seriously going to wear that and complain about her nails.
     
  15. Dano

    Dano New Member

    Messages:
    13,712
    State:
    Texas
    flaboy , this reminds me of a story I experience over Christmas.

    I guess I'm still a kid cause I couldn't resist.:tounge_out:
    It was a few days before Christmas 07. Wife and I went to wal mart in the wee hours of the morning for last minute shopping.. Very few people in there. I didn't know how quite wal mart could be. Almost could hear a pin drop. Just the way I like it. Gives me time to play with the toys. :big_smile:

    They had one aisle full of those stuffed animals with the press here on the belly, foot, hand, some had all three. They sing and danced They was all sitting neatly on shelve , smiling, minding their own business. I did have a
    feeling those stuffed animals was watching me.:eek:oooh:

    I looked around, no customers or employees in site and wife was on other aisle. :wink:
    I had to see how many of those push the button critters I could get going at the same time. As fast as I could, I started pressing buttons. I didn't count em, there was a lot of em. I think I got most of them singing and dance at the same time. What a concert that was.
    It got really noisy, some of the dancing ones was falling off the shelve. I got nervous and embarrass . I was trying to pick them up and shut em up. They out numbered me 50 too 1.:beat_brick:

    Before I knew it, the few customers in store and several employees had all come to that aisle to see what the heck was going on. Everybody looking at me. i think some had flicked their bic lighters wanting more. :smile2:
    I treated the situation like a fart in an elevator.
    No one owns up to it, they all point fingers at others.
    I had no choice. I said out loud, I dont know who did this but they need to get a life. Its ashamed people aint got nothing better to do than stir up the stuff animals. everybody just laugh. :tounge_out:
    My wife came around the corner shaking her head and grabbed me by the ear.:eek:oooh:
    I got in trouble so I ended up going outside to smoke. :sad2:
     
  16. Catgirl

    Catgirl New Member

    Messages:
    13,546
    I am LMBO. Thought I was the only one who reverted to childhood around singing and dancing stuffed animals; I have done the same thing. Oh man, maybe we really do need to get lives :smile2:.
     
  17. Dano

    Dano New Member

    Messages:
    13,712
    State:
    Texas
    For me ,the "try me now" always out did the , "can you hear me now".:smile2:
     
  18. flaboy

    flaboy New Member

    Messages:
    616
    State:
    Wedgefield, SC
    I was at the TA, where were you? I even bought me a new water pistol!
     
  19. whisker maniac

    whisker maniac New Member

    Messages:
    2,712
    State:
    arkansas

    They don't . That was his first mistake. He didn't even know where he actually was. I think it was JC Penney. What do ya'll think???
     
  20. whisker maniac

    whisker maniac New Member

    Messages:
    2,712
    State:
    arkansas
    hey when It ain't fishin' time what else are ya suppose to do????:confused2: