How do you deal with the death of a loved one?

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by flathunter, Aug 1, 2006.

  1. flathunter

    flathunter New Member

    Messages:
    5,723
    State:
    Ohio
    With the passing of Delta Lover, I remember back 15 years ago when my mother passed away..For the first few days I was a wreck of course, I cried alot, and never left the house..Several days after the funeral I was back at work and had a hard time dealing with things..My frist weekend off I decided reluctantly to try and go fishing, to get my mind off things..I arived at the river and really did not want to fish, but I made myself anyways..I dont remember catching anything, but I do remember laying on the river bank thinking about my mom..I went over the whole 27 years she was in my life and all the good things she did for me..I stayed about 8hrs, and when I left I felt a since of calm, and went back home with my wife and kids..I still had some tough times ahead, but like the old saying time heals most wounds..I still miss her to this day, and wish she could have seen her grandson grow up to be the fine young man he is today..So if my mom is looking down right now she knows how much I still love her, and hope to meet her agin someday.
     
  2. DELLIS

    DELLIS New Member

    Messages:
    314
    State:
    OHIO
    it's strange the way you reflect at someones passing when Dad was alive all i thought was how much we butted heads but when he passed all i could remember was the great times we have to this day i still think of him daily how i dealt with it can't really say i guess all we can do is take it day by day one step at a time
     

  3. catfishkatmando

    catfishkatmando New Member

    Messages:
    494
    State:
    Salem, WV.
    My wife passed a way 3 years ago with a similar condition to Delta lovers. It is always hard for me to se are hear about someone passing away because I know how bad their loved ones are feeling, and it is a sad hard feeling.
     
  4. Bobpaul

    Bobpaul New Member

    Messages:
    3,039
    State:
    Supply NC
    You do what you have to and move on with fond memories.

    The longer you live the more it will happen, and it never gets easy. One day it'll be our turn for someone to grieve over.

    I started when I was 7 yrs old with the loss of a baby sister. It's never been that hard since.
     
  5. buddah

    buddah New Member

    Messages:
    1,622
    State:
    Pennsylvania Wi
    I don't deal with deat very well. I don't raise a fuss or anything but get very deeply depressed. My Brother Ian died on my grams floor back in 90' from inhaling butane gas to get high. The butane froze the cilia in his lungs and when he got caught it scared him and as a result his heart pumped faster and warmed his lungs up too fast and drowned in his own fluids. I'm from a large Pa. Dutch family "Kelchner" clan, and very religous. No one knew of his "recreational" drug use till then, so it was a shock to me. I think it rubbed me the wrong way and still bothers me to this day! I just buried my Great-Grand Mother a few days ago and I know she was suffering so that worked out but I still dont like death. Sorry for rambling...
     
  6. teaysvalleyguy

    teaysvalleyguy New Member

    Messages:
    9,751
    State:
    GC, OHIO
    5 years ago when my grandfather passed it was very hard on me. I was with him every day in the summer. He would give me work to do around the house so I would have some extra money when I was growing up. I also spent countless hours at his pond fishing for ol Mr. Whiskers. He was diagnosed with cancer and was not around long after that. It was sad to see him wither away to almost nothing. He was a bigger man and that cancer just tore him up. He was a gentle giant and I still miss him to this day.

    There was alot of crying the day in the hospital we all knew he was close to death, family was around him for his last breath of life. We sang amazing grace and he slowly just quit breathing. Like he went to sleep. He was a good Christian man so we know he went to a better place.

    But we all dont want to let go. God has a time and place for us all, when you can realize that it is a little easier.
     
  7. olefin

    olefin New Member

    Messages:
    3,908
    State:
    Texas
    Sometimes death comes as a blessing... that was the case with my mother in law for she had Parkinson in a bad way. One hates to see them go but you know it's the best for them. My parents passed fast and they were up in the years so I think that was another blessing. My wife and I were with my father in law when he passed. I think being there made it easier on my wife.. I know it did me. We were not sure he knew anything but a while before death I was holding his hand and told him I loved him like my father... then we noticed one tear came from one eye so we knew he understood. He was blessed for he was 86 and death came quick after a life time of excellent health.
    The same with my brother and sister, I pray when my time comes, it comes quick.

    I think the worse loss, would be the loss of my wife... that I'm not sure I could ever handle.
     
  8. Netmanjack

    Netmanjack New Member

    Messages:
    3,734
    State:
    Ohio
    Right on the money brother. I have been one of the pallbearers for all of my relatives since I was old enough to carry. I always take a handkerchief. If they were young I morned them,when they were old I cried tears of joy. I lost my father at the age of two, so I have had to deal with death for a long time. What I have learned is life goes on, especially yours, after all thats the one that counts the most, with out your life, you wouldn't care about all of the others.
     
  9. Arkansascatman777

    Arkansascatman777 New Member

    Messages:
    7,782
    State:
    AR
    Ive lost both sets of Grandparents several Uncles that I was close to and 1 of my brothers. My brother was the hardest because his wishes were to be cremated and I dug a hole and we buried him at the foot of are mothers grave. Each time I think I have just absorbed myself in the outdoors that always seemed to help but only time has proven to be the true healer for this type of loss.
     
  10. fishinpals

    fishinpals New Member

    Messages:
    547
    State:
    Virginia, Illinois
    Some of the emotions we will deal with with are

    Denial

    Disbelief

    Anger

    Confusion

    Despair

    Sadness

    Guilt - Which is the most dangerous

    Acceptance does come and the emotion will lesson and the memories will not be as hard.
     
  11. HRCats

    HRCats New Member

    Messages:
    1,081
    State:
    Ohio
    Death is something that is very hard for anyone to deal with, but we all have to do it. When i read your post Jack, it reminded me of myself. When ever i have someone close to me die, be it a relative or close friend, i have to just get away by myself and reflect on all the time that we got to spend together. Of course you always think of the good times in your life that you have spent with a loved one. But even the bad times feel like good ones at this point.
     
  12. FishMan

    FishMan New Member

    Messages:
    2,293
    State:
    Tennessee
    Jack: I know how you feel, Phil's passing has hit me really hard, at first I thought it was because I lost my dad last month and that is part of it but I believe we get much closer here online that we really know. This online thing is something new to man but after this I now look at it more strongly. I never met Phil in person but have strong feelings for him, Phil is one of us that came from the old board and being one of the more active members like us it was easy to have a family type feeling with him.

    Jack I guess what I'm saying is for some of us the brotherhood is much more than just a place to get information. I find myself thinking of other members often during my day and I for one will not take these thoughts as lightly in my future, just because we don't lay eyes on each other don't mean we can't be close.

    I now more than before look forward to my time with my BOC brothers.

    Danny
     
  13. Taliesin

    Taliesin New Member

    Messages:
    680
    State:
    Missouri
    I really don't deal with it well at all.

    I deal with it badly enough that even typing this was difficult.
     
  14. vini

    vini New Member

    Messages:
    1,389
    State:
    Fresno
    Exactly fishman we do get cloes here even though most of us are miles and miles apart.

    I lost a good friend back in January a guy I only knew from online. We did talk on the phone once I did'nt find out about his death until May when I called his wife because he had'nt been around for so long I thought he was on vacation.

    His wife broke down after we talked for a bit on the phone and she did'nt tell me the truth about his death, that he had comitted suicide I found this out later , this saddened me a great deal but I knew how George was he would not have anyone take care of him in the way he was going to need caring ( bag connected to his colon, large amounts of pain medication )

    Something he did before killing himself , he bought his wife and daughter 2 complete vacation packages, airline tickets, hotel reservations the works all I could think of was how thoughtful that was, I know suicide is selfish but sometimes and this really chokes me up , sometimes the selfish act is not for ones self but simply out of LOVE for others involved and I honestly HONOR Georges decision for doing what he did.

    George LOVED to fish thats another thing that really bothered him alot he could not fish because he could'nt walk, he had been in a horrible accident 5 years ago, he was a Federal agent chasing down a fugitive and rolled his vehicle breaking his back and his legs horrible injurys disabled him ( and yet George knew about my criminal background and was a wonderful friend ).

    I'm still crying for him and what he endured these last few years and yet he took the time to email me all the time I used to send him pictures of fish I caught and sunsets, he loved that.

    I'm glad so many of you guys are honest and open about this feelings stuff, I may be a big, ugly, mean SOB but you know what? i'm also the most sensitive emotional animal on this planet, OVER sensitive actually, guess thats why i'm so mean/angry sometimes, I have so many feelings going on inside of me I can't handle it sometimes and I GO BERSERK its embarassing that i'm not able to handle them very well but i'm working on it.

    So How do I handle the loss of others? I remember them for what and who they were when they were living the good stuff.
     
  15. FishMan

    FishMan New Member

    Messages:
    2,293
    State:
    Tennessee
    Well stated Vince.
     
  16. cattinfever999

    cattinfever999 New Member

    Messages:
    426
    State:
    KY
    Guys, I hope you don't mind a woman reading and posting on this thread. But I just wanted you to know that I am very empressed by each of you for letting some of your feelings out. I have been honored to talk to several BOC members and to have gotten to know them.
    I personally know that the grieving process can take a while, sometimes even years. Just know that you are not alone. Thank you for sharing.
     
  17. pk_powell

    pk_powell New Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    State:
    Missouri
    Guys I too am a woman and wanted to say you all are fine examples of true men. We are all hurting and depressed this morning,but I want you to know that in my opinion when a man can show emotions other than Anger or course joking to me that is a true and strong man. There is nothing to be embarrassed about we are all hurting and it's ok for you guys to cry if you feel the need to do so. It's a weak man who feels the need to cry and doesn't simply because he is a man. God Bless you all-------------pk:sad2:
     
  18. field989

    field989 New Member

    Messages:
    896
    State:
    east central indiana
    my grandpa had emphezema(sp) and he had to have a oxygen tank with him all the time

    well i was at school one day my mom came in and was lookin very distressed well then i found out my grandpa was in the hospital..

    when we got there we went stright up to him and he was still alive and i bent down and hugged him and said i loved him very much and after my mom got done hugging him and stuff he passed

    it was very hard i dont take death well at all

    but the nurse asked if there was more people comming (before we got there) and they told her that we still had to get there and she said that he was waiting on us....

    its just too sad i just try and think of the good times


    Jeff
     
  19. Catgirl

    Catgirl New Member

    Messages:
    13,546
    I agree with Kelli and Pat. It is wonderful to see you brothers expressing your emotion, realizing that it's okay to be vulnerable. You are all well-supported here on the BOC in good times and bad. Hugs to everybody, I think we all need some today.
     
  20. Bobpaul

    Bobpaul New Member

    Messages:
    3,039
    State:
    Supply NC
    Believe me when I say, if I hadn't thought of Phil as a friend and a good man, I wouldn't have waisted the energy to type one word.

    If your a con, a user, or all around SOB in life, then your the same when your dead.

    But in Phil's case he deserves recogonition as the human being he was.