Did I rob a bank or what?

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by Mac-b, May 28, 2008.

  1. Mac-b

    Mac-b Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    19,551
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    Did I rob a bank, get a ticket for a DUI, beat my wife up, streak naked in the mall or whatever. The reason I ask, is that a lot of my friends have quit calling me and/or dropping by for a tall one. No, I did none of that, I have a terminal or life threating illness.

    Back in the early 90's, my youngest brother Jack was diagnosed with Renal Cancer and he was given twelve months to live. His whole world as he knew it turned upside down on him within weeks. The cancer thing, he figured was out of his control to a certain degree, but he could not understand what had happen to some of his hunting and fishing bud's. They did not call or visit him after they found out that he had Cancer. Jack and myself talked many times about his friends and how much it hurt him that they would not come over and at least just sit with him. Matter of fact, he called several on the telephone and let them know how he felt about their actions or inactions. He told me they would not have to say anything, just be with him. I believe Jack was upset with this situation up until his last day.

    When they held the services for Jack, it was a packed house with a bunch of people standing. Some of his closest bud's came forward at the proper time and told stories about themselves and Jack, they would have us laughing one moment and crying the next. Another one of his bud's sat in the front corner of the chapel playing some Hank Williams tunes on his guitar, the last one was 'Will the circle be unbroken', I believe that was the name of it. Afterwards, we were all invited to another one of his bud's house for a celebration of his life. The party went on for many, many hours.

    In May of 2001, I was diagnosed with Bladder Cancer, went to the hospitable and had the tumor removed. No big deal in my way of thinking, they got it and I would be okay. BS, several fellows that I had taught how to fish and landscape all of a sudden did not know me from Adams house cat. I got over it real quick, because in my own mind, I felt that I did not need any negative vives in my life at that time and moment, still don't seven years later.

    The reason I have shared this with the BOC membership is to encourage you to be there for your friends and family, when they are diagnosed with a terminal or life threating illness. You don't have to say nothing to them, maybe a hug, tight handshake, pat on the back, sit close to them and listen to them and others talk. Bring him or her one of their favorite mag's, adult beverage, sweets, food or whatever. Send them a card, fruit basket, pizza, etc. Just let them know that you care. You will be a better person for it and they will appreciate it very much.
     
  2. catfish kenny

    catfish kenny New Member

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    6,064
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    Mac you know I could never put this down as good as you & my hat is off to ya once again .....take care buddy!
     

  3. ncfowler

    ncfowler Well-Known Member

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    2,656
    State:
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    Name:
    Jeff
    many years ago my mon had lymphnoide (sp) cancer, She also had a bueaty shop and a good client base which were her "long time friends" once they were told about here cancer they stop comming by, even after she was in remission they never came back. The ones who stuck by my mom was her only true friends in my book. when she passed away a few years back most of her still living friends told me how she was an inspiration for them and how she keep them living through here own will to live. Her will to live and help others is one of the things i take with me everyday. My mother passed away not of cancer but a genitic heart problem which there is no cure for, she passed away at home in her own bed doing what she loved most. and where she wanted to be when the time came,
     
  4. willcat

    willcat New Member

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    2,463
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    mac, I have to say that hit home real hard for me too. my mother passed from cancer about a year & 1/2 ago now. When she was well she would go to everybody's house no matter what & visit, as they would come to her house on occasions such as holidays & birthdays and what not. When she got real sick & was bedridden on hospice, nobody ever came again. It was very sad to see, the worst part was that nobody came to see her in the nursing home either. i would stop by at least 3 or 4 times a week on the way home from work and ask her if anybody went by or called, nothing or nobody!!! That realy pissed me off, well when she passed on, my brother who is younger than me & in trouble w/the law, couldnt make it. Now that really pissed me off. He eventually showed up at the burial, which was good, but he will have to live w/that everyday from now on, he never got to say goodbye or i love you one last time, none of my siblings did!!! Me & my wife, my stepson, & a few cousins who worked in the nursing home were the only ones there!!! So if anyone has some one that they know who is terminally ill, it is very crucial that you show them as much love & caring as you normally did while they are sick as you would while they were not sick, trust me it helps alot, my mom held on asking for my brothers & sisters, but they never came & she passed. something they will have to live with the rest of their lives............
     
  5. baitchunker

    baitchunker New Member

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    1,689
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    alabama
    well mac,

    you didnt rob a bank, but if you were ever thinkin about it, nows the time.


    i have known a few terminal folks. nobody extremely close to me, at least not in my adult years. but, the few i have had as aquaintances and whatnot were all pretty good ppl. i make it a point to treat them about the same as any of my friends. my experience is that ppl will generally conform to how you treat them. meaning, if you treat a teenage boy with the respect and responsibility, (not just given but demanded,) as a man, a man is what you'll get back. in your case, just because you are dieing doesnt make you special. at least not in my opinion. mostly, becasue the fact that you are gonna die doesnt change who you were, are, or becoming. besides, we are all dieing... just at different speeds. i think most ppl are intimidated by death. i dont like the idea of taking a dirt nap, or watching my beloved lil family push daisy's, but it is as much a part of life as breathing air.

    i think it is pretty crappy that ppl would avoid you. you seem to be a real stand up kind of man. at least from what i can tell. if i was gonna hold anything against you, it would be that you consistently catch more and bigger fish than i do.
     
  6. postbeetle

    postbeetle New Member

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    6,598
    State:
    Iowa
    Mac, just inside from bucking up some brush. Kicked this up and it will be on my mind until I come back in today. You Mac. have done something worse than rob a bank. I will tell you what I think later and I am only mentioning this now because it will be on my mind and this will help me from running the chain saw in my good leg as the day goes on if I at least start this now.

    Thanks, John.
     
  7. firechief4201

    firechief4201 New Member

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    1,055
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    Hey Mac, I don't what to see you naked.:eek:oooh: I'll drink a tall one for you brother. Stay safe and keep fishing.
     
  8. plainsman

    plainsman New Member Supporting Member

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    7,187
    State:
    minnesota
    Don't feel bad about it, its human nature. Also your friends are beginning to learn to live without you since they realize they will have to sooner or later. People get to feeling like its contagious. Some folks lose friends when they get divorced, or do something stupid too. Also people have friends not just because they have things in common and enjoy each others company, but what the other can do for them. Like me tolerating the association of someone based on what they can do for me. When I realize they aren't reliable or can't be used all the time I invest my time in someone else. Human nature. Other folks will stick with ya based on other things, like being genuinely interested in you and your welfare.
     
  9. Pacman

    Pacman New Member

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    141
    State:
    South Carolina
    I think it happens because we don't like to be reminded of our own mortality. But truth is that we all have a date with death. Pays to be ready to meet our Maker because none of us have a promise of tomorrow.

    But there is no good excuse for abandoning a buddy.
     
  10. ryang

    ryang Well-Known Member

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    5,338
    State:
    Blacklick, Ohio
    Name:
    Gary
    Mac thats one reason I dont have that many aquaintences. I dont want to be dissapointed when that happens. Most of the people that I know are the ones that I work with. If it wasnt for my wife and kids I would probably be a hermit.
     
  11. Mac-b

    Mac-b Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    19,551
    State:
    North Caro
    Ryang the hermit, you probably have more friends than you might think. Some close and some are so called cyber friends. Since you went fishing with me, you are now my friend. And, if something should happen to you and I knew it, I would sure let you know that you were on my mind in some form or fashion. Take care and spread the ryang (skunked) around to some of your other friends. :wink:
     
  12. Arkansascatman777

    Arkansascatman777 New Member

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    7,782
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    Dog gone it Mac I didn't want to be the one to tell ya but with all the fishing you do ya just got to take a bath more often:eek:oooh::smile2:. Just kidding buddy, if I lived a little closer you'd get sick of seeing me.
     
  13. kennylee

    kennylee New Member

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    State:
    Missouri -
    Thanks, Mac
    My wife Judy,got breast cancer last year, and I owe her friends more than I can ever repay. They did'nt give up on her they came by, called, emailed, wrote letters, sent cards and came by and took her out to dinner.
    Judy told me when your sick you find out who your true friends are, and I can only hope to have half as many friends when I get sick.
     
  14. arkrivercatman

    arkrivercatman New Member

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    4,472
    State:
    KS
    Mac, I feel your pain. My Dad passed away from cancer over 2 years ago. Before he was diagnosed he had quite a few close friends that he fished with and worked with. As soon as you mentioned the word cancer they all disappear. I wouldnt call them friends. I watched him suffer until the day he died, and I watched that too. I dont want to hear people say how hard it is to watch, I know.Once they pass everyone comes around to "pay their respects".What a crock. If you want to pay respects you do so when they are still breathin, if possible. What if, when its our turn, no one calls or stops by anymore. That has to hurt. I stayed by my Dads side and never left it. I watched him lose over 65 pounds in less than a month. I watched him have seizures. It was not easy at all, but I slept on the floor in the hospital the whole entire time. I couldnt have done anything else, This was my Dad and I loved him more than anyone or anything. I rarely talk to the ones who didnt come around. IMO if you cant come by when things are at their worst, you shouldnt be there when they are at their best. Mac, that was well written and heartfelt.I hope everyone on this site will read it and it hopeully prevents them from making the same mistake with their loved one. We will all most likely get cancer at some point in our lives and we need to put ourselves in their shoes. If its not cancer it will be something else, we all will die.

    Prayers and blessings sent to you Mac.
     
  15. rob128146

    rob128146 New Member

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    299
    State:
    Rockwell, North Carolina
    Mac buddy I don't know you personally but I love to read your post and I feel like I do. I will always be there for you no matter what. Don't take me but about 30 mins to drive to Lake Norman!! If you need anything all you have to do is ask!! By the way love your post and keep them coming my friend. Need to get togather and do some cattin up at Lake Norman. I have never been on Norman cattin and would love to go!! I'm a Badin man and know it like the back of my hand!! :big_smile:
     
  16. olefin

    olefin New Member

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    3,908
    State:
    Texas
    Mac, I think some folks may not know what to say or talk about it under those conditions.

    We've not had but one family member with terminal cancer. My younger niece had pancreatic cancer at age 51. We drove 3 hours to see her just as soon as we got the bad news in email from her. We were a little surprised that she seem to not know what to do, since she was a nurse and had taught nursing for over 20 years. We suggested she go to M D Anderson cancer clinic in Houston. She did but they couldn't help her. She was gone within 6 months of when it was diagnosed.
     
  17. postbeetle

    postbeetle New Member

    Messages:
    6,598
    State:
    Iowa
    Mac, you ever watch an animal die? Not one you just shot in the head or run over by your car. One that has a disease or mechanical problem that causes them to linger and go down slowly.

    Say you go down to the barn to do chores. You know 'Ol Bessy has been having problems. She is getting up in age and hasn't looked good. You call Sooo Boss, Sooo Boss and everybody but 'Ol Bessy comes running. 'Ol Bessy ain't to be found. You don't start close to the barn to find her. You go to the furthest part of the pasture. And sure enough there she is. She wanted to die away from the herd because she wasn't herd any longer. Her buddies ain't worried, they are waiting for you at the trough. Everything was hunkey dorey when "ol Bessy could trudge along. They had animal conversations, buddied up to each other, and grazed together. When the beer flowed, the same TV shows were interesting to all concerned and you rooted for the same baseball team things couldn't have been better.

    At one time awhile back people had extended families, ones who cared for the one going to go. They did what they could and got the white sheet ready. A blood herd within the whole herd. People are social and that is all. Who in the He$$ would spend the money and go to a full movie theater to be entertained with all the crap that goes on there unless they couldn't get along without another human and had to smell their presence and yet bitch about it at the same time.

    When your so called brothers (quote) friends (unquote) weren't there for him they were just the "Herd" waiting for someone else to fill the trough. All the Dr Phil reasons notwithstanding, people are the same everywhere. They might think about you in the best sense possible but they aren't gonna be there to watch you die because the inevitability of their own lives hangs over their heads. After you are dead that is another whole page in the book. You are dead and they ain't.

    Ryang is probably closest to the way to think about it. Sure saves a lot of hard feelings because you know what is going to happen.

    I gotta cook supper. I hope that chicken is dead.

    Later, John.
     
  18. Mac-b

    Mac-b Moderator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    19,551
    State:
    North Caro
    Thank you Sir John for your insight as it relates to the matter at hand. I too, have seen animals do what you described.

    Some of you'll have misread what I tried to say, to my knowledge I am not dying from Cancer, maybe something else that I don't know about, but not Cancer.

    Brother triple seven, now you know why I catch fish. If you bath, then you can not smell like bait or fish, know what I mean! Also, I wear a pair of fingerless gloves while I'm cutting up bait and baiting my hooks and those things can stand up by themselves and smell to high heavens. :smile2:
     
  19. catfisherman_eky3

    catfisherman_eky3 New Member

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    2,296
    State:
    Kentucky
    Jack sorry to hear about your illness and what your brother went through I know what thats like my heart got weak and I wasnt able to get out much like I use to and only cure is to have a heart transplant and I dont hear from my friends and stuff like that, like I use to before I had this illness, but its good having friends on here that we can talk, im here for ya bud.
     
  20. oh no

    oh no New Member

    Messages:
    11,108
    State:
    Indiana
    :smile2::tounge_out::smile2:Hey Mac,

    You got it made, you still have your original bladder. Mine is one of those homemade ones. It doesn't work as well as original equipment. lol lol But it is better than being dead. lol :smile2::tounge_out::smile2: