Beetlejuice Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by cheapNdisgusting, Sep 18, 2009.

  1. cheapNdisgusting

    cheapNdisgusting Well-Known Member Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    17,516
    State:
    Zalma Mo.
    Name:
    Russ
    I had to try it - it worked in the movie.

    Old Postbeetle is missing AGAIN. Checked the hospitals and the jail. No PB. So now drastic measures are in place and the entire Mississippi river valley is put on LAVENDER ALERT.

    This is the official 24 hr. warning for anyone that plans to be on the Mississippi river Friday night or anytime Saturday. DON'T.

    The last "Flush out Postbeetle" was done in a hurry and there were repercussions that "surfaced" because of shoddy planning on my part. It turns out that exactly the time the Awoi Turldewave started - somewhere in Kansas/western Missouri a "Cabbage Festival" was just comming to a close.

    Now, for anyone not familiar with the midwest, the Kansas city area is about 18 hours (via. the Missouri river) to the confluence with the Mississippi river. The part of Awoi that PB is in is also 18 hrs. upriver.

    When the two waves collided it created a Tsunami that hit Illinois broadside, wiping out three casinos, a massage parlor, Billies Bail Bonds, and about 10,000 acres of corn.

    Billie is suing. We don't want this to happen again.

    Please follow the directions as best you can.

    !0 PM central time: Everyone in Dubeque Ia. and upriver from there - flush the toilet. This will get the Turdlewave going.

    11PM CDT: All four people with indoor plumbing below Debeque should flush at least 3 times.

    Midnight CDT: Davenport Ia, Moline Ill, and East Moline, 2 flushes.

    1AM Sat CDT: Fort Madison and Keokuk - 1 flush is sufficient.

    2:20 AM CDT: Everyone in the BOC - courtesy flush. BG 3 flushes (normal for you)

    This will create a "Turdlewave" about 5 times taller than PB (20') which will surf the old guy down the mighty mississippi and Me and the entire SEMO swat/banjo team will snag him as he goes by. We will be there fishing anyhow. We will put him on a Greyhound bound for Awoi (after we hose him off)

    A pre-apology to everyone down river below Missouri for what is about to happen.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2009
  2. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Messages:
    7,680
    State:
    Shawnee OK
    Russell, are you SURE you and him ain't brothers?:eek:oooh:

    sharp and quick.....the both of you:big_smile:
     

  3. BIG GEORGE

    BIG GEORGE New Member

    Messages:
    10,362
    State:
    JOISY
    So who wants to listen to him anyway? :wink:
     
  4. cheapNdisgusting

    cheapNdisgusting Well-Known Member Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    17,516
    State:
    Zalma Mo.
    Name:
    Russ
    till "Turdlewave" #3
     
  5. 223reload

    223reload New Member

    Messages:
    10,798
    State:
    Oklahoma
    I have a sneeking suspicion that he's a bit north east of OHIO ,can't quite put my finger on it yet ,But its my suspicion.:wink:
     
  6. JimmyJonny

    JimmyJonny Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    4,059
    State:
    sc
    So, " Not Me " is missing again I see. G'luck flushin him out... I'll be back Sunday for the report ; )

    -Jim-
     
  7. plainsman

    plainsman New Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    7,187
    State:
    minnesota
    Do ya reckon a little feller like that could be lost in the cornfields?
     
  8. postbeetle

    postbeetle New Member

    Messages:
    6,598
    State:
    Iowa
    Mornin' from Iowa, the State so full of flushable material that I don't even need a boat, I'll walk down there on it like Jesus on the Waters to your Missoura neck of the woods Zalmaflashed. You don't have roads down there yet and a man needs to improvise to get from one place to another.

    As Adam Maitland said in the wonderful movie "Beetlejuice" (my autobiography)...

    "What, I mean to say are your qualifications?"

    Beetlejuice in reply..........

    "Ah well........I attended Julliard, I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School. I travel quite extensively, I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that, I've seen "The Exorcist" about A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES and it keeps getting better EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT!!!"

    Kinda like returning to this so loved forum, something happens to me EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT!! That's why I got a lifetime triple prescription for Valium. "Take 20 pills before logging on!!!

    Yes as Beetlejucie said Russell....."It's showtime shortly" and as MacArthur said "I shall return", that is after they release me from this funny looking backwards white coat I have been issued. I understand down there in Missoura it is standard issue, even has your initials monogrammed on it like an expensive suit. When my life returns to a little normalcy I will return, maybe I should stick around right now this loony bin looks as good as the one I am currently in.

    And Oh Hey Russell, thanks for asking.

    Later John, aka "Beetlejuiced"
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2009
  9. BIG GEORGE

    BIG GEORGE New Member

    Messages:
    10,362
    State:
    JOISY
    Well it worked somewhat. Guess I'll have to rent the movie to get a good lokk at him. :crazy:
     
  10. cheapNdisgusting

    cheapNdisgusting Well-Known Member Supporting Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    17,516
    State:
    Zalma Mo.
    Name:
    Russ
    It worked. The Awoi turdlewave is a success.

    Don't try this at home!

    I think it was the BOC "courtesy flush" that got him.

    Very few animals were hurt during this operation.

    The lavender alert is now downgraded to "camo".

    Thanks and reps to everyone who participated.
     
  11. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Messages:
    7,680
    State:
    Shawnee OK
    i thought it might be because of a different situation that beetlejuice described, John....as he said, "i am feeling a little anxious, if you know what i mean" :wink::smile2::smile2:
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2009