I had to try it - it worked in the movie. Old Postbeetle is missing AGAIN. Checked the hospitals and the jail. No PB. So now drastic measures are in place and the entire Mississippi river valley is put on LAVENDER ALERT. This is the official 24 hr. warning for anyone that plans to be on the Mississippi river Friday night or anytime Saturday. DON'T. The last "Flush out Postbeetle" was done in a hurry and there were repercussions that "surfaced" because of shoddy planning on my part. It turns out that exactly the time the Awoi Turldewave started - somewhere in Kansas/western Missouri a "Cabbage Festival" was just comming to a close. Now, for anyone not familiar with the midwest, the Kansas city area is about 18 hours (via. the Missouri river) to the confluence with the Mississippi river. The part of Awoi that PB is in is also 18 hrs. upriver. When the two waves collided it created a Tsunami that hit Illinois broadside, wiping out three casinos, a massage parlor, Billies Bail Bonds, and about 10,000 acres of corn. Billie is suing. We don't want this to happen again. Please follow the directions as best you can. !0 PM central time: Everyone in Dubeque Ia. and upriver from there - flush the toilet. This will get the Turdlewave going. 11PM CDT: All four people with indoor plumbing below Debeque should flush at least 3 times. Midnight CDT: Davenport Ia, Moline Ill, and East Moline, 2 flushes. 1AM Sat CDT: Fort Madison and Keokuk - 1 flush is sufficient. 2:20 AM CDT: Everyone in the BOC - courtesy flush. BG 3 flushes (normal for you) This will create a "Turdlewave" about 5 times taller than PB (20') which will surf the old guy down the mighty mississippi and Me and the entire SEMO swat/banjo team will snag him as he goes by. We will be there fishing anyhow. We will put him on a Greyhound bound for Awoi (after we hose him off) A pre-apology to everyone down river below Missouri for what is about to happen.