Aggravating In-Laws!!

Discussion in 'General Conversation' started by NCCatter, Apr 26, 2006.

  1. NCCatter

    NCCatter Member

    Messages:
    462
    State:
    North Carolina
    I am getting married in June. My fiance and I have got a house and like any other house, it needs some very minor repairs and adjustments. She has moved in for now until after the wedding when we both move in. The thing is several friends and others have offered to help with anything that needs done, which I appreciate and would like to have them help. Trouble is, my fiance's parents are ALWAYS over there doing something to the house!! They have been over there every single day for the last 3-4 weeks. Yesterday I went over there and her dad was fixing the ironing board, day before he was doing something to the bathroom...It never ends! One day while we were gone, her dad came over and put our dining room table together, like I am too stupid to do it myself. We are renting it for now, and the landlord is who I ask alot of questions to because he is a carpenter/do-it-all guy who knows his stuff well. Every time I ask his opinion on something and he gives me a suggestion, her dad seems to think it won't work and proceeds to give his opinion. She asked me why my parents aren't helping alot, I told her it was because my parents understood it was our house and we want to do alot of it ourselves. I don't even feel like it's our house sometimes, but her parents. I feel like I need to ask Abby! It is just very frustrating and I had to vent somewhere, so here it is BOC!
     
  2. bsu_catfisher

    bsu_catfisher New Member

    Messages:
    236
    State:
    Rising Sun, Indiana
    I can see why you are getting frustrated. I know I would probably loose my cool and I have had people do that kind of stuff to me before and I get really ticked off about it. If I was you I would talk to her about how you feel about it, and sit down with her parents and tell them you really appreciate it but you want to do it yourself it's part of being the man of the household. Good Luck with the situation and congrats on the engagement!
     

  3. Ol Man

    Ol Man New Member

    Messages:
    3,170
    State:
    Illinois
    Heck Daniel, They want to be sure they are real comfortable when they move in....
    :lol:


    The great man is he who does not lose his child heart.
     
  4. Ol Man

    Ol Man New Member

    Messages:
    3,170
    State:
    Illinois
    Seriously though, you do want to nip this in the bud early on, or you'll be tolerating this kind of stuff the rest of your married life...

    A nude beach? Be serious. Who could afford that much sunscreen?
     
  5. Mutt

    Mutt Administrator Staff Member Supporting Member

    Messages:
    18,940
    State:
    Ca
    Name:
    Mutt
    If I was in your shoes I would tell your fiance that this has got to stop. And then tell your future inlaws to please stop and if you feel you need thier help or advise you will ask. I had to tell my x inlaws to leave period it got so bad I would wake up on a saturday morning and my mother in law would be over cooking breakfast! after i tossed them out from being pests I had my home back to myself and my wife.
     
  6. gargoil77

    gargoil77 New Member

    Messages:
    859
    State:
    Clarksville, Indiana
    HeHe Welcome to the married life Daniel. Thank God I don't have to put up with mine no more. You definitely need to talk to your fiance' and have her drop the dime to her parents that they don't need to be over there everyday. Thanks for all you've done and it's very appreciative, but you two want to do the rest.
    Stop them befoe they start adding on their bedroom to the house.
     
  7. Cattledogz

    Cattledogz Active Member

    Messages:
    1,374
    State:
    NC
    Daniel, the best solution is called open communication. Talk to your fiance openly about how you feel and why. Ask her what her thoughts and suggestions are on the subject and take the time to listen to her.

    Then the two of you openly talk to her parents. Tell them you truly appreciate the help and then tell them how you feel and how the two of you want to handle it. Just be honest and open but in a non-confrontational way.
    If you don't nip it in the bud now the frustration will turn into resentment and eventually into a blow up that none of you need.

    Also, one thing that many folks never think about is this: The parents may truly be just trying to help y'all out. They may think with the upcoming wedding, etc. that by helping do things at the house they are taking some stress/work/worry off you. If they don't know that its something you WANT to do and don't know how you feel about it then they have no way of knowing its causing a problem.

    We have all heard the phrase "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." Well in this case the saying is "If you don't know its broke you can't fix it!"

    Communication is vital to any relationship being a successful one, even when it comes to in-laws.

    Good luck and congrats on the engagement!
     
  8. Darrell

    Darrell New Member

    Messages:
    332
    State:
    Illinois
    Been there done that...

    Try buying a house just to have your inlaws two houses down. It was totally my fault but one heck of a house deal came my way and bought this house which is practically next door. My mother in law is always over, I could be in my underwear and she just walks right in! Too top that off, she is always broke and is continuously asking my wife for money.

    I finally had enough right before I was deployed. I changed the locks on all of the doors and refused to give her a key. I also told her I have my own family to tend too and she needed to get a job.

    Trust me brother it wasnt pleasant for about two weeks but it finally stopped. After about 3 attempts to get into the house she finally discovered that the locks were changed and I havent had a request for money for a while. I am the a$$ of the family now but at least I aint filling her gas tank.

    Anyway, you are the man of your own house and your wife should respect that you have abilities. They may feel like they are helping but they are actually hurting by building a wall. Always be polite and respect their position but the only one that matters is you and your wifes in your house.

    Just my 2 cents.

    D
     
  9. TDawgNOk

    TDawgNOk Gathering Monitor (Instigator)

    Messages:
    3,365
    State:
    Tulsa, Oklahoma

    I want to reitterate this. This is how my parents were/are about some things. They want to help out and make sure that we have things better than they had them. It takes simply telling them, "thanks, but, we want to do this on our own first. If we can't do it, then we will ask for help" and they back off.
     
  10. NCCatter

    NCCatter Member

    Messages:
    462
    State:
    North Carolina
    it got so bad I would wake up on a saturday morning and my mother in law would be over cooking breakfast!

    Mutt,
    That's crazy! ROTFLMAO

    Thanks guys for all the help. I see you all have alot more experience and patience than I do. Hopefully we'll be able to come to a resolution about this.
     
  11. solomon

    solomon New Member

    Messages:
    735
    State:
    MS
    I understand how you feel. The best thing I did was take my wife and move to my hometown. Even though it's only 30 miles away from them, they don't show up every day. Instead, the wife goes to see them......and I go fishing :)
     
  12. peewee williams

    peewee williams New Member

    Messages:
    3,111
    State:
    Pembroke,Georgia
    At 60,I have seen and been a part of both ends of this stick.They love this girl and have taken care of her all their life.They don;t relay know how to quit.They don;t know how or if you will take care of her.They hope for her best.They want to love you,because she does.If you pan out,hopefully they will learn to love you for your own quality's.If you can,it would be great to work together on projects that you and they feel a need to do.Projects at their home and yours.You are now one family,like it or not.You have a need to take care of and provide for their daughter.They have lived with this same need all of HER life.It is going to take love and understanding on all parts,for all to be happy.You all have the same goal.Ask them to read what you wrote on here and all of the answers.It will show that you are trying every way that you know how.You all do need to know each others feelings and needs.Remember.It ain;t you or her or them.A family is US.Best of luck to all of you.peewee-williams
     
  13. jim

    jim New Member

    Messages:
    2,579
    State:
    Jacksonville NC
    NC,after you have sorted thru all the advice here, I would contact SALMONID your fellow BOC brother who it seems has a VERY large WOODCHIPPER and makes reference to the movie FARGO.:) ;) :cool:PS since I know where you will be on Memorial day I COULD stop by and discuss my availability for some "Pest" control work.See you at Harrys.LOL
     
  14. Salmonid

    Salmonid New Member

    Messages:
    1,833
    State:
    SW Ohio
    Thats Funny Jim, I may have to dispose of my Mother in law first, but her head is so big, it might not fit....:p

    Ok, enough of that, my wife can read my mind and has eyes in the back of her head so Im always in trouble for things I havent even done yet...I think I better recant the above statement

    Salmonid
     
  15. NCCatter

    NCCatter Member

    Messages:
    462
    State:
    North Carolina
    Jim,
    That would be great except for the fact that my future father-in-law will be there. I might could distract him by getting him to work on my truck or s/t so I could have a talk with you! LOL
     
  16. Phil Washburn

    Phil Washburn New Member

    Messages:
    7,680
    State:
    Shawnee OK
    LOL! reminds me of an old joke..........



    Three middle-aged men--Joe, Fred and Tom--were discussing the possibility of sudden death.

    “What would you do if you knew you only had 4 weeks of life remaining?” Joe asked.

    “First of all,” Fred said, “I would quit my job and for those 4 weeks I would do nothing but fish.

    “Not me,” Tom said somberly. “For those 4 weeks, I would spend as much time as possible with my children and let them know how much I love them.”

    Joe thought for a few moments and then said, “I’ll tell you what I would do. For those 4 weeks, I would travel throughout the United States with my wife and my mother-in-law in a tiny compact car, and stay in a cheap motel every night.”

    Fred and Tom were puzzled by his answer. “Why would you do that?” they asked.

    “Because,” Joe smiled sarcastically, “it would be the longest 4 weeks of my life.”
    :D
     
  17. Dano

    Dano New Member

    Messages:
    13,712
    State:
    Texas
    LOL. I understand what your saying. Welcome to the in-law life. Wait till ya have kids. Then the in-law fun really starts. LOL. I've been there and now 25 years of married to same wife, we dont have the in-laws on both sides anymore. Just one left in nursing home. I kind of now miss it.
    hey, their work and helping with expense can be good at times. Try to have some fun with it. Let em help, also let know you and wife want to do some things, like decorate the house. Throw a BBQ and have a talk over a beer or something. Maybe take Dad in-law fishing. It will work itself out down the road. Appreciate the help while you got it but, let em know where the line is drawn. Plus when they move in, at lease they will be comfy. LOL.;)
     
  18. RamRod

    RamRod New Member

    Messages:
    2,047
    State:
    Ohio
    You wouldn't want to turn em into outlaws would you?:p
     
  19. NCCatter

    NCCatter Member

    Messages:
    462
    State:
    North Carolina
    Yea I guess I may as well let them go ahead and get their bedroom/bathroom like they want it. LOL

    Phil,
    I can read that joke now and actually sympathize with Joe...I know how he feels!
     
  20. DeerHunter01

    DeerHunter01 New Member

    Messages:
    2,113
    State:
    Kentucky
    Move 500 miles away they wont be there too often then. Thats the best answer